the catcher in the rye

its funny how u miss some things in your younger years.

yesterday, i just finished reading catcher in the rye by j.d. salinger, although i must have heard the name of the author a thousand times, but i havent read the book, even on my younger years. Actually i though it was going to be boring..but i was wrong, so wrong. I enjoyed it. I mean literally, i smiled and laughed through each chapter, its like hearing from a male version of me. Holden Caufield, the main character, was well kinda like a mean guy, but only with his thoughts, i find him actually quite decent, witty, probably charming, really funny, and totally weird kind of guy. i dont know but i can really relate to what he says at times, like when he bugs his dormates or other friends while they were sleeping, and the way he asks stupid questions at the taxi driver..i'm like that with my friends, its a nice way of annoying them. Its just pretty odd that he thinks way a lot differently from what he really does..he acts nicely but thinks meanly about people. I also find his perception of girls really amusing, he respects women, in a way i wouldnt have expected him to behave, although he does have short patience with girls.

its one of most amusing books, ive ever read, directly done but with depth. i actually think the more Holden mentions how the people he meets are phony..the more its likely that the real phony is probably ..him.

_______

the other day, i met a friend and all the day long, she would talk about drugs. its not that im against about it or anything, i have had friends and roommates in college who have done it, and its was never a big deal anyway. Its just that, whenever most of the people i know mentions it or have conversations about it, i couldnt even relate. I could only add a medical opinion but nothing more. Its like its somehow like a cool thing when u have tried one and so when u get really old u can really say, it wasnt worth ur life. But sadly..i never tried it, i mean never.. u can ask me about getting drunk but not getting high..i dont know, i never had a chance. I have learned to smoke cigarettes only in college, that was all. During the parties, i wasnt into it, because i didnt attend parties for those reason, im there because its where friends are and i love to dance and mingle.

Sometimes i think, i may have missed something , maybe i should have probably tried it..but will it be worth it?

13 things

13 things men should know about women..
by celine lopez


13. i can't date anyone homophobic because 90% of my friends are gay..if you are homophobic, go to the province and find someone else to hit on.

12.why do some men stick with pleated pants and baggy shirts? i just dont understand why some men also wear clothes their dads wear.

11. A guy shouldn't have a say about what I buy unless its coming out of his pocket.

10. it can be sweet at the right times, but if a guy cries at a drop of a pin, its just gross.

9. If someone takes longer than me to dress up, that may be a big problem, because i'm pretty low maintenance.


8. I usually buy lingerie for myself like every other woman should. It's not really for the guys but its great if they can appreciate it.


7. Some dates can be as charming as they want with me but i hate it when they can be total assholes to waiters, because that's a good indication of what they could be in three months to you.


6. Some filipino men can be very assuming. you go out on one date and the next thing u know u are not allowed to date anyone else. what the hell is that about?


5. Its no secret that i'm an absolute brat, but at times i like men who can tell me what to do.


4. i don't like a guy who goes to work and complains about his job day in and day out. For me, i find it sexy when a man finds pride in what he does.


3. On first dates, men should really stay away from talking about their exes and their family angst.


2. I like guys who can be genuinely passionate about things from tennis to ancient rome to doughnuts. just don't be pretentious.


1. I always find myself falling in love with men who are earnest, consistent and can go with the flow. I'm allergic to deception in a relationship.



_________________________

i found this article on a magazine..and well , i couldn't agree more...13/13.

one long thursday date

who needs men? just kidding.

thursday, met with rachel had lunch and watched a movie..saw rosalyn..had dinner..then had drinks with ruby by night.

so again.. who needs men?.... hehe




rach and ross



ruby and rach at giligans




pinup gurls...:)




two witches










having merienda at Fusion

Like her - Mandalay

Can’t we talk
Set it right
Can’t we talk
Anymore

All this time
Only you
Nothing more
All this time

It looks like
You won’t be staying round
Given the time
And your mood
You look a lot like her
And you look so like
You won’t be staying around
Here in this half light
You look a lot like her

Is it all
Lost and gone
Could you give
Me some room
Room to be
Room to heal
Worth as much
You will be

It looks like
You won’t be staying round
Given the time
And your mood
You look a lot like her
And you look so like
You won’t be staying around
Here in this half light
You look a lot like her

You decide
What I meant
What is right
You decide
Please believe
I will be
Here for you
I will be

It looks like
You won’t be staying round
Given the time
And your mood
You look a lot like her
And you look so like
You won’t be staying around
Here in this half light
You look a lot like her
(x3)

__________________________________________________

ive heard this song somewhere on one of the episodes of CSI "play with fire", and the song just hit me. I liked it. Sometimes i love songs who have uncomprehensible lyrics, like it means anything at all..but actually it means nothing, i like it more..it gets more interesting. i love the chorus. ive been listening to it over and over. i think its sounds more relaxing to be played at night when ur out and just walking...i probably should try to download an album of it...... i only have one song, and it took a lot of queries to search before i got it.

" Mandalay " biography....

Ex-Thieves instrumentalist Saul Freeman aimed for his own dream-pop aesthetic when he placed an ad in the now defunct music weekly, Melody Maker. He had already worked with David McAlmont, but wanted his own creative outlet. Searching for an ethereal voice similar to the likes of the Cocteau Twins' Elizabeth Fraser and Shara Nelson (Massive Attack, Presence), solo artist Nicola Hitchcock ended Freeman's search when answering his request. The two instantly clicked, for Hitchcock also had a debut album under her belt and the two formed Mandalay in the mid-nineties. Incorporating trip-hop loops similar to Portishead and Hitchcock's vocal perfections, the duo earned props throughout the latter part of the decade in their native U.K., specifically with the albums Empathy and Instinct. Madonna even called Mandalay her new favorite band in fall 2000. Mandalay had signed to V2 by mid-2000 and prepped for their stateside major-label release, Solace, in spring 2001.
~ MacKenzie Wilson, All Music Guide

the friendship factor

For the past few days, apart from work and all other strenuous work..I have been reading this little but enigmatic book. It was shared by a friend.

it talks about friendships and relationships. While i was going through it, i realized how much i lacked in relationships, the stupid views i have and my bitterness for intimacy. I have had good friends all through the years, several of which are already married with kids, in abroad in a relationship or just plain single. I still talk with others i could reach but the remaining have lead different lives. My mom always tells me, i never ran out of people in my life, there are always new ones and the others fade..but there are some whom i keep secrets with and knows me probably more than i do. I have many girl friends, mainly because i never had a sister, ..but i also have guy friends, well because im surrounded by brothers and sometimes they do relate to me in a way. But hanging around with guy friends sometimes results in pretty negative perception of them, especially when they confide with u with their stupid and crazy secrets, the more information i get, the more i feel sorry for these guys. Now, its a lot harder for me to be convinced that i would find a pretty decent guy, someone who respects women and never regard them as cheap or often times, dumb.

anyway, most of my friendships have been truly fulfilling over the years. I learn with people, you see them in different moods and ways they change. Its amazing how just one person is enough to affect you in so many ways. I have many bestfriends, most of whom have probably been reading this blog..well this girl, she was with me since highschool.. we burn the phone lines from talking all night everyday, we exchanged our secrets, our dreams and future plans. We always would argue about things, well she was kind of tactless at times, although i have longer patience with women, sometimes its a pain in the ass, but mostly its just over small things. She would often tell me about her life and gets mad easily when my attention was not with her, its something we always argue about, probably most of my friends complain about..I'm an outgoing type of person, and when i say "outgoing" it means, i cannot be with one friend as always. It would be too much, i function well when im surrounded by people and with good friends, its good life. I cannot be dictated on what to do and how to do my life, but sometimes our friendship evolved on that which was suffocating, so there are times that i do incessantly ignore her. But still, there was like an "automatic" way of understanding her, i knew what she was before and now a lot of things have happened. we still are good friends and the bond between us never ends. I do miss her though, i just hope life is kind to her after all..

I think friendships as well as relationships are vital to people. I mean it nurtures you, although its not an easy thing to handle, but there's a lot of things you learn throughout. You learn about other people's lives. The amazing chemistry between people fascinates me. especially to the point, where u begin to feel what another is person is feeling, the same thoughts, the same interests and especially the unconditional trust that u build. i like that. i like having people who are confident about themselves, who are considerate of others and who have their passion about life and love. i like friends who make me laugh as well as understand when its time to cry. i have lots of friends who have been there through all the happy times and parties but only seeming few when i really need someone to talk to.

in terms of relationships, I've learned that im a pessimist when it comes to intimacy, just the first sign..makes me turn and never go back. I have never had a serious relationships with the opposite sex or even an intimate one, i guess im too coward to be committed with anyone. Ive realized i'm just good with close friendships,just dating but never with a commitment. There are too many fears to deal with and too afraid to trust a guy with what u really feel. Sometimes i think, its better to be single than to deal with anybody and just be hurt. But then, it wouldnt be right, i think a commitment is a sign of maturity, when u know ur ready for it and ur willing to share ur life with a certain person all through ur life. Someday, id like to have that kind of thing. maybe someday.

People need to communicate with other people. At this point, ive realized how i value my friends and people close to me, i have too few friends who knows me a lot, few ones i trust and few ones i can really talk with. these people are the ones who make my life so unbelievably entertaining.

a woman's tears

The hebrew Talmud says: "Be very careful if you make a woman cry because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's ribs, not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior of, but from the side to be equal with. Under the arm to be protected for and next to the heart to be loved."

gUESS WHO's dRivinG?

CLICK IMAGE TO VIEW

During the mall trip, there was a car show, i wanted to take pics of the cool cars but i got lazy because it was scorching hot on a mid afternoon. I took this one instead its a exhbition car drift by an unknown driver, (hopefully me) hahaha. Some of the guys watching asked me if i wanted to try driving it, that i just i had to register and have my driving license, i was supposed to, but my cousin, weng, told me that she would have to kill me first.

Saturday malltrip cuties

Saturday, me and my young favorite nieces and cousins, went to Mall of Asia, in roxas boulevard. It was newly opened. Its the third largest mall in the world. And its the Largest in the Asia, among other countries. Its here in Manila. it was a very exhausting day. MY FEet got sore from walking, so the place must be really huge. I liked the fact it is overlooking the manila bay, so in the late afternoon and probably night time, the area must be so great and fun for everyone. cool new place, from the seabreeze and all.



hitching a free ride






we're both tired!!





this is just almost 1/15th of the place....







with my mischievous brother






okay after this, we have to eat na!





The Buzz - with cousin weng at CONGO GRILL RESTO

Signs

"Graham
Hess: People break down into two
groups when they experience something lucky. Group number one sees it as more
than luck, more than coincidence. They see it as a sign, evidence, that there is
someone up there, watching out for them. Group number two sees it as just pure
luck. Just a happy turn of chance. I'm sure the people in Group number two are
looking at those fourteen lights in a very suspicious way. For them, the
situation isn't fifty-fifty. Could be bad, could be good. But deep down, they feel that whatever happens, they're on their own. And that fills them with fear.
Yeah, there are those people. But there's a whole lot of people in the Group
number one. When they see those fourteen lights, they're looking at a miracle.
And deep down, they feel that whatever's going to happen, there will be someone
there to help them. And that fills them with hope. See what you have to ask
yourself is what kind of person are you? Are you the kind that sees signs, sees
miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Or, look at the question
this way: Is it possible that there are no coincidences? "

- from the movie "Signs"

the house agenda

THE ORANGE SANCTUARY


the best mood therapy for bad moods and lazy days, i must say, is cleaning the room or doing something that deals with intense thinking. No im not in a bad mood, i just had to clean my room because it is so close to becoming a store room, all sorts of stuff is there, and all u need is a match to light fire on everything. On rainy days, i love to stay on my own place and well just looking at my old things and old photographs of friends. yeah, im being sentimental again, well im at loner at times. well i never get tired at this place, although it does get pretty crazy times.





stormed





tripping after house chores





i deserve a kiss, after this

leave me alone - trash can sinatras

the hardest thing of all is to belong
the oddest thing of all this time
is i'm not sad at all
i can see beyond the hardest thing of all...goodbye

leave me alone, you're all i wanted
don't haunt me now, don't want you now
leave me alone, i've found what i'm made of
don't want you back, don't need you back

got no place to go, the feeling's going slow
the lowest of the low tonight
well, how am i suppsed to know
if you won't talk to me? don't talk to me

just leave me alone, you're all i wanted
don't taunt me now, don't want to know
leave me alone, to find what i'm made of
don't want you back, don't need you back

yeah, the hardest thing of all
the oddest thing of all
is i'm not sad at all goodbye

leave me alone, you're all i wanted
don't haunt me now, don't taunt me now
leave me alone, i've found what i'm made of
don't want you back, don't need you back

euphemism #1

sometimes when something seems not right and u feel tired of going over it, over and over again..u lose interest. i feel nauseous at the thought that i am being morphed into something that i cant be and would rather not. If i can't have something or somebody, i wouldnt fight over it. If the person is too ignorant to care, then so what..i have a life.. the world is too big to stay in one place. If im just needed for something, then look for somebody else..if u cant be there for me then why the hell am i wasting time on u? they say everything cuts both ways..so i dont work on a "one sided street". I dont have patience for people who cares about nothing but themselves, they just turn to other people for emotional things and let them know about their stupid life. I get tired of that crap. I get bored. If all u think is about you and ur life, then go get a diary or something, go find a somebody else to listen about you, yourself alone. I need somebody too, someone who listens, interacts with me and is fully interested in me and what i do. Apart from that i have lots of friends, all in different areas of life. I am tired of giving a shit on something i dont fully understand. i dont give damn for anything, when i quit, i walk out..i never turn my back, ever. I am tired of pretending its going to be nice..its going to be this way. People change, feelings change. I hate being lied at, being scorned and taken for granted, i hate blissful promises that are never done. I hate people who do that, it sucks. I hate the things people promised about but cant do anything , so annoying and so frustrating.

Im not perfect so dont expect anything as beautiful and excellent, i have had a tough life, so get over it. I get tired of wanting, waiting and feeling stupid.

If I see and feel something is so so wrong, you'll never never see me again.gosh, its so crazy, to feel when u really want something and u know, u cannot have it.

Lamps in Baclaran

whenever i would visit the baclaran church at during wednesday night, there's a place near there, where they sell a couple of lamps. colorful ones and unexpectedly cheap, they range from 80 pesos (smallest) to 400 pesos (largest). these lamps are made of bamboo sticks, with nets and felt paper with cute designs, but the most significant thing is that there are already bulbs inside these lamps and they are free. It is such a good bargain. i bought one for Glen for his bday and probably a couple of ones for our house. it will suit the bamboo living room in the terrace...i love it.

me and Janice

College life will never be the same with janice. I knew Janice way back since Lasalle days. well we got close because she was as talkative and as loud as me, we talk about a lot. but she's far demanding and more outspoken than me perhaps why we get along, she's sometimes dominant and im not. when was already in Fatima college, we had dorms right next to each other. I remember i would borrow the iron from them or sometimes when i am too lazy to cook breakfast or lunch i would drop by her dorm, and be a leech to eat breakfast or lunch with her and her dormates, and they never seem to mind, sometimes they would even insist at times.hehe. well janice is like my...

1. my mom - well she does act like that. whenever i would have problems in any areas of my life, she would be there. she would listen and she would get mad everytime i would cry a lot. she doesnt judge me for all the stupid mistakes i do or whenever i insist on something. but she does get mad whenever she thinks im slacking from classes since i would go partying every night with friends or have new friends quickly,without even getting to know them, she hates it when i do that.

2. my sister - she likes my new lipstick, earring, belt, or whatever, she shares my passion for everything except for music, she isnt into hardcore types, but she likes movies as well as books. she thinks im smart at times but stupid when it comes to my own love life. well, she doesnt quite approve the men i date, probably because all of them never lasted. she knows the food i love or color i love to wear. she knows what to expect of me.

3. my old good friend - she serves as my diary of thought, although not updated at times but knows every secret, every heartache and every stupid thing about me. its her janice.

third boring night

On this 3rd night of boring night shift job, well i promise not to sleep. i have been getting myself drunk with lots of coffee, just to keep both eyes opened wide. the other night, i was asleep the whole shift, well whose to blame there is not a single job to be done in the office. it just makes this routine work, so so boring. There is not much to do but to write things, well whatever...
anyway a while ago, i saw the old pics when i was in my internship days as a physical therapist. It was funny how things have changed. well for most obvious reasons, i have grown my hair very very long. probably why most of my friends back in college do have difficulty recognizing me in public, since before i had a boy's cut and was so boyish in style. i would always be mistaken as gay or lesbian, hehe well due to my ''colorful friends" back then. sadly most of them are in abroad already. I met a lot of interesting people at that time, and i was never "maarte", as i have been always judged as like that then as they grew to know me better, most of them realized, i was the most unlikely person they have ever known. I was always misjudged and u can really see how people treat u because they think u are what they expect u because of how u dress, act or even talk. but at some point, they do realize how wrong they are, i always laugh about it because i really dont care. i mean if they say i might be this or that, hell do i care. The only people i care enough are the ones whom i will only explain things about me, i've always believed i dont have to prove myself to anyone. That's why i know how it feels to be judged, and i always try to see the beautiful things that a person has, it is what he or she does best, that counts, not the mistakes.

dont take it personal

"It's just one of them days, when I wanna be all alone , when I gotta be all alone , and you think I treat you wrong.
I wanna take some time out to think things through I know it always feels like I'm doing you wrong but I'm so in love with you...so understand that I'm only in love, you're the only one I need..so have no thought that I want to leave and trust me please.

Just one of them days, that a girl goes through when I'm angry inside and i don't want to take it out on you.
I find myself in misery and that ain't cool. I really want to be with you the whole way through But the way you make me feel inside keeps me confused As I swing back from mood to mood it's not because of you I never want you to be insecure, so won't you understand that I'm only in love..."

-dont take it personal, "monica"

MY top fives

questionnaire sent by sharon and ann green:

ANSWER:

my top fives

top five "dream" jobs:
o1. TRAVELER/RESEARCHER/REPORTER FOR DISCOVERY CHANNEL TRAVEL/LIVING
02. RESTAURANT OWNER
o3. PAINTER/PHOTOGRAPHER
04. MOVIE CRITIC/WRITER
o5. CHIEF PHYSICAL THERAPIST

five films I (love to) watch over and over again:
o1. EVER AFTER
02. SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE
o3. THE NOTEBOOK
o4. LORD OF THE RINGS 1,2,3
o5. BEFORE SUNSET

top five songs I can listen to again and again:
o1. CRASH INTO ME -DAVE MATTHEWS BAND (EVEN IF I PLAY IT ALL DAY LONG)
o2. CHUNGKING ALBUM
o3. MAGNET ALBUM
04. SLEEPS WITH BUTTERFLIES - TORI AMOS
o5. HOME - DISHWALLA


top five reasons to watch television:
o1. SCAN FOR MOVIES
02. DISCOVERY CHANNEL
o3. TO FALL ASLEEP
04. NEWS
o5. TO PASS TIME

top five places i'd want to visit by the age of thirty-
five:
o1. SPAIN
o2. FRENCH POLYNESIA
o3. BRAZIL
o4. CALIFORNIA USA
o5. ITALY

top five FOODS:
o1. SEAFOOD
o2. INDIAN SPICY FOOD
o3. PASTA
o4. CAKES/PASTRIES
o5. CHOCOLATE

top five beverages:
o1. APPLE JUICE
o2. HOT CHOCO
o3. WATERMELON SHAKE
o4. ICE CREAM SUNDAES!!!!!
o5. WATER

top five favorite past time:
o1. SMOKE
o2. READ
o3. BLOGGING/WRITING
o4. LISTEN TO CDS
o5. SLEEP

top five IMPORTANT THINGS:
o1. FAITH/GOD
o2. FAMILY
o3. CAREER
o4. LOVE/RELATIONSHIPS
o5. FRIENDS

top five secret wishes:
o1. TO BE SERENADED
o2. BE ON A DESERTED ISLAND
o3. LIVE ON HOUSE BY THE BEACH
o4. SPACE TRAVEL
o5. MEET KEANU REEVES, hehehe

irrational thinking

I just watched "sleepless in seattle" again in the cable tv again. it does bring back young memories. I loved that movie, but i think its quite too good to be true. I mean its so rare, the fact that two people with different worlds would be totally perfect? but what about other things? what am i saying anyway, i am "peace & love" person, i should believe these things. ..but actually no i dont. i mean, come on, its movies, these perfect moments , the perfect kiss, these perfect romantic things happens only in the screen and in books. There always a chance, but its only for those people who deserve it, excluding me. I never experienced such things, because it doesnt happen. i don't know, i just cant imagine myself onto something like that. okay i'm beginning to be too rational again, but in this life..anything can happen, and i'm not sure how things are for me. I believe in love, but maybe for friends and family ..but for somebody else...hmm, i wonder would it be possible for really a perfect moment with a perfect kiss from a perfect guy with an unperfect girl, like me?

fucking bastards

whenever i would browse the tv and there's these shows who discuss cases of rape and child abuse, my heart goes out to the vicitms. i cannot imagine a better state for them. I could almost cry as they relate the pain that they are going through. this guy whom his wife says would stay in the computer room a lot and most of the time, but after while she was suprised that her husband was wanted by the police and FBI because he committed crimes of child molestation in the net including raping his own daughters. then in the news, there's this man who rapes his grand daughter or an uncle who rapes his nephew, which is so fucking sick.

I would always wonder, what's life after them. After the abuse and trauma, how would one cope up with it? Some people can go through life with it but its really a difficult state. I cannot personally relate but everytime issues like this are brought up, i would always think what kind of sick, mad and stupid people would do things like these? why would u rape a kid when u can just get laid with prostitutes... The endless cases of brutally raped women here in manila are mostly unsolved. You just go home one night and something happens and it ends there. Ive always believed its never good to judge people, but to destroy an innocent life, is such a devastating thing.

this charming sunday

Its fiesta SUnday at our place, the filipino tradition of celebration of food na gathering but i did not invite a lot of friends, just anyone who was free, its more of relatives, family and friends kind of thing. But it was a lovely day. Although i did drove a lot. whew! but at least we had fun with pics and karaoke!

Sassy at Starbucks

cousins grace, shen at april

my cousin weng, took this..before the guests arrive..hehe

ruby, bench and me (the designated driver for the whole day)

sassy,my brothers, my cousins goofing around the house

what is so funny?

the young, the wild and the restless, hahaha

the chef, the maid and the driver