the friendship factor

For the past few days, apart from work and all other strenuous work..I have been reading this little but enigmatic book. It was shared by a friend.

it talks about friendships and relationships. While i was going through it, i realized how much i lacked in relationships, the stupid views i have and my bitterness for intimacy. I have had good friends all through the years, several of which are already married with kids, in abroad in a relationship or just plain single. I still talk with others i could reach but the remaining have lead different lives. My mom always tells me, i never ran out of people in my life, there are always new ones and the others fade..but there are some whom i keep secrets with and knows me probably more than i do. I have many girl friends, mainly because i never had a sister, ..but i also have guy friends, well because im surrounded by brothers and sometimes they do relate to me in a way. But hanging around with guy friends sometimes results in pretty negative perception of them, especially when they confide with u with their stupid and crazy secrets, the more information i get, the more i feel sorry for these guys. Now, its a lot harder for me to be convinced that i would find a pretty decent guy, someone who respects women and never regard them as cheap or often times, dumb.

anyway, most of my friendships have been truly fulfilling over the years. I learn with people, you see them in different moods and ways they change. Its amazing how just one person is enough to affect you in so many ways. I have many bestfriends, most of whom have probably been reading this blog..well this girl, she was with me since highschool.. we burn the phone lines from talking all night everyday, we exchanged our secrets, our dreams and future plans. We always would argue about things, well she was kind of tactless at times, although i have longer patience with women, sometimes its a pain in the ass, but mostly its just over small things. She would often tell me about her life and gets mad easily when my attention was not with her, its something we always argue about, probably most of my friends complain about..I'm an outgoing type of person, and when i say "outgoing" it means, i cannot be with one friend as always. It would be too much, i function well when im surrounded by people and with good friends, its good life. I cannot be dictated on what to do and how to do my life, but sometimes our friendship evolved on that which was suffocating, so there are times that i do incessantly ignore her. But still, there was like an "automatic" way of understanding her, i knew what she was before and now a lot of things have happened. we still are good friends and the bond between us never ends. I do miss her though, i just hope life is kind to her after all..

I think friendships as well as relationships are vital to people. I mean it nurtures you, although its not an easy thing to handle, but there's a lot of things you learn throughout. You learn about other people's lives. The amazing chemistry between people fascinates me. especially to the point, where u begin to feel what another is person is feeling, the same thoughts, the same interests and especially the unconditional trust that u build. i like that. i like having people who are confident about themselves, who are considerate of others and who have their passion about life and love. i like friends who make me laugh as well as understand when its time to cry. i have lots of friends who have been there through all the happy times and parties but only seeming few when i really need someone to talk to.

in terms of relationships, I've learned that im a pessimist when it comes to intimacy, just the first sign..makes me turn and never go back. I have never had a serious relationships with the opposite sex or even an intimate one, i guess im too coward to be committed with anyone. Ive realized i'm just good with close friendships,just dating but never with a commitment. There are too many fears to deal with and too afraid to trust a guy with what u really feel. Sometimes i think, its better to be single than to deal with anybody and just be hurt. But then, it wouldnt be right, i think a commitment is a sign of maturity, when u know ur ready for it and ur willing to share ur life with a certain person all through ur life. Someday, id like to have that kind of thing. maybe someday.

People need to communicate with other people. At this point, ive realized how i value my friends and people close to me, i have too few friends who knows me a lot, few ones i trust and few ones i can really talk with. these people are the ones who make my life so unbelievably entertaining.