everyday

“A conflicted heart feeds on doubt and confusion. It will make you question your path, your tactics, your motives. When you stare ahead and darkness is all you see, only reason and determination can pull you back from the abyss." - revenge, by emily thorne

i can only hide from the shadows of the things i feel, fake my smiles and put on a show that everybody would like. but deep inside, the pain kills my soul and twists my heart. tears can only find their way down in the ground. if only the heart doesnt remember, like the mind that we can control, but never the heart that loves, continues to wait and feels the happiness..the soul never forgets.

Katy Perry - The One That Got Away

For the broken hearted

redundant

over and over she wept , thinking this fucking thoughts will never end, piece by piece it just torns her apart..everyday living like this, waiting for something. which thing? she doesnt even know, nor she doesnt even care. what the fuck? no one will ever see, no will ever feel this sorrow..like everyday being burned like hell. tortured by hatred. what does deserve mean, what does it really mean. no matter how tears surpass the sadness, the heart never forgets..

by the beach

the gentle walk by the beach made my heart feel at ease, its always like this during the summer..when no one is at the house and i'm all alone to listen to these old jazz records. its nice to be alone sometimes, makes you more vulnerable to loneliness and submission to relentless memories is endless. the brain can only take up as much as thinking, after that you surrender and you get dizzy, but the heart.. oh the heart can take more, so much more..all the pain, all the tears and all the drama.. like endless space of many emotions. i walk more farther to the beach and i can feel the coconut trees listening to my thoughts, no matter how silent i feel, i know they can feel my presence here.

Get away

Just want to get away sometimes, somewhere where no one will find me, an escape to sadness, and find my self alone. A place where i can cure my wounds, sit in peace and cry loudly. A place where i can bare my pain and no one will judge me. Its tiring to pretend ur fine when everything just shatters you.

u are the only thing.. i need

barely breathing

the crushing pain in my chest is so hard to explain. Like the air just stopped and suddenly humid. through all the tears, the road becomes so hard to see..so blurred, like there is nowhere to go. The walls just became more thick, and like the room is closing in. Vulnerable to anything, but only choosing to hide. Unaware of time, hunger and reality..i feel more far than anything. Questions left unanswered, im praying for a light to come into my window. The light that used to brighten my darkest moments. Its fading fast and slowly i feel so scared, so lost.. among everything. after some time, emotions become numb. there is no remedy for sadness that engulfs the soul. only an air to breathe, can be an escape, to this sudden loneliness. when depression comes, the world just becomes a small world to live in, everything just becomes so unbearably boring.

i super love sheeps..they are so cute.. i like them so much in many ways i dont understand..they're just too cute. but i feel sad when they die or get killed. they look so peaceful and innocent. They dont smile nor complain, just as it is. They do whatever they want. They seem stupid sometimes, but they are also smart in other ways.

Everytime i see a sheep i name them. This one, is Oona. She looks so cute. Maybe its good to have a pet sheep, but they seem masungit like they dont care about u.

In many ways

when people tend to act stupid, they do so perfectly without effort. But they need to be good, it doesnt come easily. We sometimes, forget we are not the only ones who live in this world, not all people feel or think like ourselves. At some point, we overlook mistakes and feel inadequate. But on the other side, we may get hurt by what others shoot on us, we forget..we are all created individuals, everyone tend to act differently in all situations. what hurts us most, can be not really a big deal to others. Pain comes in all forms, as happiness is seen in many ways.

inception

its been a long time since i blogged, i mean very very long time.. i guess the passion of sharing, has worn me out. things change, people change. i should be sharing many thoughts by now. sometimes, it takes a lot of loneliness to push thoughts into writing, when your outlets become scarce, the hunger to open becomes a desire. i believe boredom comes out from routine, everyday things are the same..makes people crazy, crazy enough to make them do things. well, i havent been to that point yet, god i hope not. i don't know, some people just don't try to understand you well enough to see there are things that cannot be bent. Sometimes, i feel i suffocate like i can't breathe, like my neck is being held too tight, too tight to kill me. Sometimes, i feel so bored i just want to get out and be alone, alone and just don't care about anything. Sometimes i feel, i just want to escape reality and move on, or just feel numb..sometimes you think if life is worth living, or are we all just stuck to this routine life, boring.. and sad.

how do you know?

how do you know if you're truly happy? which signs does it confirm your happiness? how do you differentiate happiness from pretending to be? when do you really find yourself happy? which does it take to make you happy, the feeling or the person you are with? does happiness count for everything you have? do people know if you are happy? do we pretend to be happy in order to make ourself happy? does love really make people happy?

my eulogy to michael j

ill go anywhere with u

Here I go again

Late for another passing train

Oh, the good times we had

Another morning comes

Left another record on

Had a good night for all

Last thing that I remember

Things were getting better

I’ll go anywhere with you

So we rise

Off to make another run of it

Pass the time, we say goodbye

Here we are again enclosed

Wake me up, I’m ready to go

Oh, the sunset tonight

Last thing that I remember

Things were getting better

Last thing that I remember

Things were getting better

And I’d go anywhere with you

Here I go again

Late for another passing train

Oh the good times lie ahead

Last thing that I remember

Things were getting better

Last thing that I remember

Things were getting better

Last thing that I remember

Things were getting better

I would go anywhere with you

----------------- song by "shampoo" - pete yorn and scarlet johansson

-------------

i'll go anywhere with you, bbe

our first car - peugeot 207 2009

Barbican Turbo Car Exh 2009

---------------------------------------------------

last year was much better, but it was ok this yr, we didnt get to watch the drifting,

katrina's wrangler jeep was there, free barbican drinks, rap mini concert, a cool time to spend the day. hopefully, next it would be much better..

Al Ain Trip

Here in UAE, after ramadan season, then comes holiday - Eid, where everybody celebrates the end of fasting as well, so this time we went to Al Ain, as i have always wanted to see the famous mountain of Jebel Hafeet, and the greeneries of green mubazzarah, it was a great night to relax and enjoy the holiday festive seaon, loved it so much, we will back there soon.

blog rush

Funny, how time passes by and yet everything around stays the same.

hmm, quick updates - got the uae license, bought the car, made first out of town trip to Al Ain, driving around the city with habibi hehe, and so on and so forth.

For the past few days, it was hard to sleep, funny how the mind works and wakes u up in the middle of night, then makes u go back to sleep and then wakes u up. its like u worry about tomorrow, when tomorrow does not worry about u, weird.

I forgot how blogging was so fun for me, just takes me much time before, but everything i do post things, it just keeps going on and on. I'll just arrange my pics and keep on updating.

Film-festing

I know its been a while blogging so much has happened these days. Life really has its own weird perspective.

Anyway il get on to the new updates in my life here in abu dhabi day by day

The last few days i attended middle east film fest hehe so cool!

I review the movies one by one! Ciao!

Middle East Film Festival 2009

(will post some pics very very soon)

changes

 They say time changes people. But i think people just change themselves, its true when you're out with reality you try to grab as much hope as you can. When depression touches you, you try to grab as much branches of happiness you can have..You hold on to them as much as possible. but as the journey goes, you feel you no longer have to hold on to these branches, because it is your choice to change and to survive. Love can only show you as much, but in this life, its only one of the few things that will provide you extreme hope to survive this life.  I believe in true happiness, I believe life can be very simple, people just make it complicated.  I believe there are good things to come, I just have to be patient. I believe people change but only..when they want to and need to.

I believe change makes  a person grew stronger and gives him a chance to see things in a different point of view.