a sort of epiphany

last week, i woke up crying, probably because i had a bad dream. I don't really quite recall it but it was sort of like, some guy or some person had left me in a place and i was crying because i was heartbroken about it. well of course, it was kinda felt crazy afterwards because i didn't know i was in tears and it was supposed to be only just a dream. Then I thought about some things, issues, persons, and friends in my life that had kept me waiting and suddenly would just left me hanging. I realized for all those time, i tried to prolong my patience because i didnt want to give up, i wanted to face and feel all the hurt and embarassment just to see it over, and i would cry in shame for what happened. I felt sorry for myself. I realized, things have to change. I dont want to wait for something and be stuck longing for what happens next, its boring. Its like watching a cocoon turn into a butterfly for 10 years. I don't want things like that to happen again. If I wanted to do things, i should start and plan now. I realized i have been focusing on some stupid part of my life, that i need to accept, that it would never progress into something i wished (well i guess, maybe its not yet time). I have to accept that some people will never change, they would always treat you the way they have always been. You can never expect them to be more sweet, when all their life they have never been loved, some can never respect you because its too much of their pride, other friends would always have their same old attitude and stick with it for the rest of their lives, and some situations will never change because its meant to be that way.


Sometimes, all you have to do is give up and move on. I mean instead of waiting for a change, why not be the one who'll change and do something better with your time. this is my single life... i can do whatever i want to, leave whenever i want and change whenever i want.

Love song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot

S’io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s’i’odo il vero,
Senza tema d’infamia ti rispondo.


LET us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question …
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit.


In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.


The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes,
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.


And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.


In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.


And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair—
[They will say: “How his hair is growing thin!”]
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin—
[They will say: “But how his arms and legs are thin!”]
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.


For I have known them all already, known them all:—
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?


And I have known the eyes already, known them all—
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?



And I have known the arms already, known them all—
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
[But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!]
It is perfume from a dress
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.
And should I then presume?
And how should I begin?
. . . .
.
Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows?…


I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.

. . . . .
And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep … tired … or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head [grown slightly bald] brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet—and here’s no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.


And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: “I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”—
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say: “That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all.”


And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor—
And this, and so much more?—
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
“That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all.”
. .
. . .
No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous—
Almost, at times, the Fool.


I grow old … I grow old …
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.


Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think that
they will sing to me.


I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

wishful thinking

quotes from The Alchemist by, Paulo Coelho

-It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.

-Never stop dreaming.

-Not everyone can see his dreams come true in the same way.

-Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.

-The world's greatest lie: At a certain point in out lives we lose control of what's happening to us and our lives become controlled by fate.

-When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

-Intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life, where the histories of all people are connected, and we are able to know everything because it's all written there.

-If you can concentrate on the present, you'll be a happy man…the secret is here in the present. If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better…Each day, in itself, brings with it an eternity.

-Everything has been written by the same hand.

-All things are one.

-Courage is the quality most essential to understanding the language of the world.

-Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him.

-Wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.

-You've got to find the treasure, so that everything you have learned along the way can make sense.

-There is only one way to learn. It's through action.

-Listen to your heart. It knows all things, because it came from the Soul of the World and it will one day return there.

-This natural world is only an image and a copy of paradise.

-The existence of this world is simply a guarantee that there exists a world that is perfect.

-No heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.

-Most people see the world as a threatening place, and because they do, the world turns out indeed to be a threatening place.

-When you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed.

-No one fails to suffer the consequences of everything under the sun.

-There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.

-When we love, we always strive to become better than we are.

-When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.

-Without love, dreams would have no meaning.

-Love is the pure language of the world...A language without words…the one true language of the universe. It requires no explanation, just as the universe needs none as it travels through endless time.

-Love is the force that transforms and improves the soul of the world.

-No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn't know it.

-A philosophy of life: I'm an adventurer, looking for treasure

and I could fill that hole for you...

how can i apply...?
-trashcan sinatras




download how can i apply to you.mp3 (live version)

there's a boy up here
who wants you to love him
but he can't ignore his fears
there's a girl down there
who wants you to love her
like you did this time last year

and I could fill that hole for you
how can I apply to you?
i could fill that hole for you some way

morning light i feel
come and make a meal of me
i'm hot this morning
and i must say miss, this dish is delicious
you can have some more for dinner

and i will fill that hole for you
how can I apply for you?
i could fill that hole for you someday


there's a dream somewhere
that's never been spoken
here's your busfare somewhere else
where you can spend your days
all shattered and broken
til you're gone goodbye forever


but i could fill that hole for you
how can I apply for you?
i could fill that hole for you some way
i could fill that hole for you
how can I apply to you?
i'll be whole for you someday, some way

______________________________

check trashcansinatras website

i enjoyed this scottish indie band ever since i first heard, "leave me alone". I also have a few of their songs, and i never get tired of listening to douglas and reader's voices and their guitars. I also visited their website and they're one of the generous bands that i know, they really interact with fans. one of my faves.

Hidden Paradise in iligan

The Tinago Falls is one of the main tourist attractions in Iligan, a city known as the City of Majestic Waterfalls. Tinago is a Filipino word meaning "hidden", the falls being hidden in a deep ravine. Trekking to the falls requires approximately 500 descending steps called the winding staircase. It is said that Tinago Falls is a sanctuary for weary souls seeking to commune with nature. The trip to the falls actually exposes you to a variety of wildlife. Today, the trail is refurbished into a wildlife park hosting different species of wild animals.
The falls is approximately 240-feet high, its very cold waters cascading beautifully into a deep and calm basin-like pool which appears like a blue-colored lagoon. Under the falls is a small cave where people can enter and listen to the rumbling waters. The foot of the falls is a very ideal place for swimming. The place also has man-made swimming pools for children. It is truly a majestic place that resounds an atmosphere of serenity, a perfect escape from the noisy metropolitan. -SOURCE: WIKIPEDIA

the other day, my friend jo, a doctor, told me that she was going home next week to iligan city, in the mindanao region ..far far south. she was going to travel by plane, since travel by ship would take about almost 2 to 3 days of trip. She relates to me that Iligan city is a wonderful place. i mean i have heard of it but i didnt really know, what makes it special. well, ive been living here in manila since birth but i never thought that there's such secret and very much more paradise-like places in other remote provinces of the philippines.

she showed me pictures of Tinago falls, and wow, was i mesmerized and i couldnt take my mind off of it. she tells me, that this falls was open to the public since she was a child (well, she's almost 35 plus now), and it has always been this secluded place, and interestingly, the bottom of the Tinago falls has never been measured or dived because it was believed to be very very deep..more like an abyss probably underneath. She also tells me of maria cristina falls, which is more of the popular one, since its one of their primary sources for electricity, "geothermal energy"..that's why she tells me, life in iligan city is simple and not costly.

she tells me stories of a barbecue stand which is usually open by night and they sell barbecues so cheap for just almost 7 to 10pesos and its really tasty and has a delicious sauce. She told me that at night, if u want to get a good view of the whole city, u just have to hang out infront of the city hall, because in front of it, lies the whole overlooking view of the city and probably breathtaking. She tells me the Iligan fiesta celebration is in September, i told her to invite me there..but she tells me, i could go there anytime i want to, because i might not really enjoy the place at times when the whole city is crowded.

gosh i love this falls, i love batis-like places..i always fall in love with the serene nature of waters and falls. I could stay there forever.

Tinago falls

iligan fiestA

maria cristina falls

dimbalut falls

scenes from Tinago falls

wacky weekends

Sunday,

i went to italy then went back to manila quickly because i just attended a birthday party there and then i had to go home at 10 in the evening because i have work the next day.

hehe. seriously, well if i had one day in italy..it wouldnt be just about a birthday party, im pretty sure of that. actually, i attended this children's party at Club Italia, (well apparently the owner was an italian based here in th philippines that's why it's called like that, even the streets are like in italian locations..one of which was vatican city, weird) well john and joy, my two good friends decided to celebrate their eldest daughter's bday, jasmine..which i fondly call "chabeng". food was good and really delicious. I went with john's cousin mallen, beng and myra. of course, the sounds was all in trance music and there were programs games for the children there. i didnt get bored because the party was lively, and u could really see the children enjoying themselves. they even their faces painted and they would run around knocking balloons every where. i had a fun time, its always nice to be a kid sometimes.


















Saturday,

my brother, john had a "patient exam". its like he's supposed tohave a volunteer patient for his practice as a dentist. He needed a child as young as 9 years old. so i went with my two cute nieces nikki and anne and my favoriet cousin , ate weng. I also met his current gf, jane, who was perky and really nice. it was nice to be around the college students at my brother's university, its like remembering my own college years, when u have to meet schedules, attend boring lectures, review for exams, do ur own laundry, attend crazy parties, have crushes, date jerks, be on clinic duty..

we stayed around the campus for almost the whole day. i also visited allan's university, in san beda, which had a lot of students too..most of whom thought i was a student. it was interesting to watch these young people, i was thinking like in a few years from now, these teens would look back at all these crazy moments they had and all these learning they gained, and they would miss it. I saw different kinds of young people, its amazing how generations change. They seem to be more complicated nowadays and think more vaguely differently than before.

anyway, i got throught the day but the only bad thing was, my sandals broke while i was walking to the parking lot..gosh of all the things that could happen.






with jane





the patient




the mad dentist

the catcher in the rye

its funny how u miss some things in your younger years.

yesterday, i just finished reading catcher in the rye by j.d. salinger, although i must have heard the name of the author a thousand times, but i havent read the book, even on my younger years. Actually i though it was going to be boring..but i was wrong, so wrong. I enjoyed it. I mean literally, i smiled and laughed through each chapter, its like hearing from a male version of me. Holden Caufield, the main character, was well kinda like a mean guy, but only with his thoughts, i find him actually quite decent, witty, probably charming, really funny, and totally weird kind of guy. i dont know but i can really relate to what he says at times, like when he bugs his dormates or other friends while they were sleeping, and the way he asks stupid questions at the taxi driver..i'm like that with my friends, its a nice way of annoying them. Its just pretty odd that he thinks way a lot differently from what he really does..he acts nicely but thinks meanly about people. I also find his perception of girls really amusing, he respects women, in a way i wouldnt have expected him to behave, although he does have short patience with girls.

its one of most amusing books, ive ever read, directly done but with depth. i actually think the more Holden mentions how the people he meets are phony..the more its likely that the real phony is probably ..him.

_______

the other day, i met a friend and all the day long, she would talk about drugs. its not that im against about it or anything, i have had friends and roommates in college who have done it, and its was never a big deal anyway. Its just that, whenever most of the people i know mentions it or have conversations about it, i couldnt even relate. I could only add a medical opinion but nothing more. Its like its somehow like a cool thing when u have tried one and so when u get really old u can really say, it wasnt worth ur life. But sadly..i never tried it, i mean never.. u can ask me about getting drunk but not getting high..i dont know, i never had a chance. I have learned to smoke cigarettes only in college, that was all. During the parties, i wasnt into it, because i didnt attend parties for those reason, im there because its where friends are and i love to dance and mingle.

Sometimes i think, i may have missed something , maybe i should have probably tried it..but will it be worth it?

13 things

13 things men should know about women..
by celine lopez


13. i can't date anyone homophobic because 90% of my friends are gay..if you are homophobic, go to the province and find someone else to hit on.

12.why do some men stick with pleated pants and baggy shirts? i just dont understand why some men also wear clothes their dads wear.

11. A guy shouldn't have a say about what I buy unless its coming out of his pocket.

10. it can be sweet at the right times, but if a guy cries at a drop of a pin, its just gross.

9. If someone takes longer than me to dress up, that may be a big problem, because i'm pretty low maintenance.


8. I usually buy lingerie for myself like every other woman should. It's not really for the guys but its great if they can appreciate it.


7. Some dates can be as charming as they want with me but i hate it when they can be total assholes to waiters, because that's a good indication of what they could be in three months to you.


6. Some filipino men can be very assuming. you go out on one date and the next thing u know u are not allowed to date anyone else. what the hell is that about?


5. Its no secret that i'm an absolute brat, but at times i like men who can tell me what to do.


4. i don't like a guy who goes to work and complains about his job day in and day out. For me, i find it sexy when a man finds pride in what he does.


3. On first dates, men should really stay away from talking about their exes and their family angst.


2. I like guys who can be genuinely passionate about things from tennis to ancient rome to doughnuts. just don't be pretentious.


1. I always find myself falling in love with men who are earnest, consistent and can go with the flow. I'm allergic to deception in a relationship.



_________________________

i found this article on a magazine..and well , i couldn't agree more...13/13.

one long thursday date

who needs men? just kidding.

thursday, met with rachel had lunch and watched a movie..saw rosalyn..had dinner..then had drinks with ruby by night.

so again.. who needs men?.... hehe




rach and ross



ruby and rach at giligans




pinup gurls...:)




two witches










having merienda at Fusion

Like her - Mandalay

Can’t we talk
Set it right
Can’t we talk
Anymore

All this time
Only you
Nothing more
All this time

It looks like
You won’t be staying round
Given the time
And your mood
You look a lot like her
And you look so like
You won’t be staying around
Here in this half light
You look a lot like her

Is it all
Lost and gone
Could you give
Me some room
Room to be
Room to heal
Worth as much
You will be

It looks like
You won’t be staying round
Given the time
And your mood
You look a lot like her
And you look so like
You won’t be staying around
Here in this half light
You look a lot like her

You decide
What I meant
What is right
You decide
Please believe
I will be
Here for you
I will be

It looks like
You won’t be staying round
Given the time
And your mood
You look a lot like her
And you look so like
You won’t be staying around
Here in this half light
You look a lot like her
(x3)

__________________________________________________

ive heard this song somewhere on one of the episodes of CSI "play with fire", and the song just hit me. I liked it. Sometimes i love songs who have uncomprehensible lyrics, like it means anything at all..but actually it means nothing, i like it more..it gets more interesting. i love the chorus. ive been listening to it over and over. i think its sounds more relaxing to be played at night when ur out and just walking...i probably should try to download an album of it...... i only have one song, and it took a lot of queries to search before i got it.

" Mandalay " biography....

Ex-Thieves instrumentalist Saul Freeman aimed for his own dream-pop aesthetic when he placed an ad in the now defunct music weekly, Melody Maker. He had already worked with David McAlmont, but wanted his own creative outlet. Searching for an ethereal voice similar to the likes of the Cocteau Twins' Elizabeth Fraser and Shara Nelson (Massive Attack, Presence), solo artist Nicola Hitchcock ended Freeman's search when answering his request. The two instantly clicked, for Hitchcock also had a debut album under her belt and the two formed Mandalay in the mid-nineties. Incorporating trip-hop loops similar to Portishead and Hitchcock's vocal perfections, the duo earned props throughout the latter part of the decade in their native U.K., specifically with the albums Empathy and Instinct. Madonna even called Mandalay her new favorite band in fall 2000. Mandalay had signed to V2 by mid-2000 and prepped for their stateside major-label release, Solace, in spring 2001.
~ MacKenzie Wilson, All Music Guide

the friendship factor

For the past few days, apart from work and all other strenuous work..I have been reading this little but enigmatic book. It was shared by a friend.

it talks about friendships and relationships. While i was going through it, i realized how much i lacked in relationships, the stupid views i have and my bitterness for intimacy. I have had good friends all through the years, several of which are already married with kids, in abroad in a relationship or just plain single. I still talk with others i could reach but the remaining have lead different lives. My mom always tells me, i never ran out of people in my life, there are always new ones and the others fade..but there are some whom i keep secrets with and knows me probably more than i do. I have many girl friends, mainly because i never had a sister, ..but i also have guy friends, well because im surrounded by brothers and sometimes they do relate to me in a way. But hanging around with guy friends sometimes results in pretty negative perception of them, especially when they confide with u with their stupid and crazy secrets, the more information i get, the more i feel sorry for these guys. Now, its a lot harder for me to be convinced that i would find a pretty decent guy, someone who respects women and never regard them as cheap or often times, dumb.

anyway, most of my friendships have been truly fulfilling over the years. I learn with people, you see them in different moods and ways they change. Its amazing how just one person is enough to affect you in so many ways. I have many bestfriends, most of whom have probably been reading this blog..well this girl, she was with me since highschool.. we burn the phone lines from talking all night everyday, we exchanged our secrets, our dreams and future plans. We always would argue about things, well she was kind of tactless at times, although i have longer patience with women, sometimes its a pain in the ass, but mostly its just over small things. She would often tell me about her life and gets mad easily when my attention was not with her, its something we always argue about, probably most of my friends complain about..I'm an outgoing type of person, and when i say "outgoing" it means, i cannot be with one friend as always. It would be too much, i function well when im surrounded by people and with good friends, its good life. I cannot be dictated on what to do and how to do my life, but sometimes our friendship evolved on that which was suffocating, so there are times that i do incessantly ignore her. But still, there was like an "automatic" way of understanding her, i knew what she was before and now a lot of things have happened. we still are good friends and the bond between us never ends. I do miss her though, i just hope life is kind to her after all..

I think friendships as well as relationships are vital to people. I mean it nurtures you, although its not an easy thing to handle, but there's a lot of things you learn throughout. You learn about other people's lives. The amazing chemistry between people fascinates me. especially to the point, where u begin to feel what another is person is feeling, the same thoughts, the same interests and especially the unconditional trust that u build. i like that. i like having people who are confident about themselves, who are considerate of others and who have their passion about life and love. i like friends who make me laugh as well as understand when its time to cry. i have lots of friends who have been there through all the happy times and parties but only seeming few when i really need someone to talk to.

in terms of relationships, I've learned that im a pessimist when it comes to intimacy, just the first sign..makes me turn and never go back. I have never had a serious relationships with the opposite sex or even an intimate one, i guess im too coward to be committed with anyone. Ive realized i'm just good with close friendships,just dating but never with a commitment. There are too many fears to deal with and too afraid to trust a guy with what u really feel. Sometimes i think, its better to be single than to deal with anybody and just be hurt. But then, it wouldnt be right, i think a commitment is a sign of maturity, when u know ur ready for it and ur willing to share ur life with a certain person all through ur life. Someday, id like to have that kind of thing. maybe someday.

People need to communicate with other people. At this point, ive realized how i value my friends and people close to me, i have too few friends who knows me a lot, few ones i trust and few ones i can really talk with. these people are the ones who make my life so unbelievably entertaining.

a woman's tears

The hebrew Talmud says: "Be very careful if you make a woman cry because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's ribs, not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior of, but from the side to be equal with. Under the arm to be protected for and next to the heart to be loved."

gUESS WHO's dRivinG?

CLICK IMAGE TO VIEW

During the mall trip, there was a car show, i wanted to take pics of the cool cars but i got lazy because it was scorching hot on a mid afternoon. I took this one instead its a exhbition car drift by an unknown driver, (hopefully me) hahaha. Some of the guys watching asked me if i wanted to try driving it, that i just i had to register and have my driving license, i was supposed to, but my cousin, weng, told me that she would have to kill me first.

Saturday malltrip cuties

Saturday, me and my young favorite nieces and cousins, went to Mall of Asia, in roxas boulevard. It was newly opened. Its the third largest mall in the world. And its the Largest in the Asia, among other countries. Its here in Manila. it was a very exhausting day. MY FEet got sore from walking, so the place must be really huge. I liked the fact it is overlooking the manila bay, so in the late afternoon and probably night time, the area must be so great and fun for everyone. cool new place, from the seabreeze and all.



hitching a free ride






we're both tired!!





this is just almost 1/15th of the place....







with my mischievous brother






okay after this, we have to eat na!





The Buzz - with cousin weng at CONGO GRILL RESTO

Signs

"Graham
Hess: People break down into two
groups when they experience something lucky. Group number one sees it as more
than luck, more than coincidence. They see it as a sign, evidence, that there is
someone up there, watching out for them. Group number two sees it as just pure
luck. Just a happy turn of chance. I'm sure the people in Group number two are
looking at those fourteen lights in a very suspicious way. For them, the
situation isn't fifty-fifty. Could be bad, could be good. But deep down, they feel that whatever happens, they're on their own. And that fills them with fear.
Yeah, there are those people. But there's a whole lot of people in the Group
number one. When they see those fourteen lights, they're looking at a miracle.
And deep down, they feel that whatever's going to happen, there will be someone
there to help them. And that fills them with hope. See what you have to ask
yourself is what kind of person are you? Are you the kind that sees signs, sees
miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Or, look at the question
this way: Is it possible that there are no coincidences? "

- from the movie "Signs"

the house agenda

THE ORANGE SANCTUARY


the best mood therapy for bad moods and lazy days, i must say, is cleaning the room or doing something that deals with intense thinking. No im not in a bad mood, i just had to clean my room because it is so close to becoming a store room, all sorts of stuff is there, and all u need is a match to light fire on everything. On rainy days, i love to stay on my own place and well just looking at my old things and old photographs of friends. yeah, im being sentimental again, well im at loner at times. well i never get tired at this place, although it does get pretty crazy times.





stormed





tripping after house chores





i deserve a kiss, after this

leave me alone - trash can sinatras

the hardest thing of all is to belong
the oddest thing of all this time
is i'm not sad at all
i can see beyond the hardest thing of all...goodbye

leave me alone, you're all i wanted
don't haunt me now, don't want you now
leave me alone, i've found what i'm made of
don't want you back, don't need you back

got no place to go, the feeling's going slow
the lowest of the low tonight
well, how am i suppsed to know
if you won't talk to me? don't talk to me

just leave me alone, you're all i wanted
don't taunt me now, don't want to know
leave me alone, to find what i'm made of
don't want you back, don't need you back

yeah, the hardest thing of all
the oddest thing of all
is i'm not sad at all goodbye

leave me alone, you're all i wanted
don't haunt me now, don't taunt me now
leave me alone, i've found what i'm made of
don't want you back, don't need you back

euphemism #1

sometimes when something seems not right and u feel tired of going over it, over and over again..u lose interest. i feel nauseous at the thought that i am being morphed into something that i cant be and would rather not. If i can't have something or somebody, i wouldnt fight over it. If the person is too ignorant to care, then so what..i have a life.. the world is too big to stay in one place. If im just needed for something, then look for somebody else..if u cant be there for me then why the hell am i wasting time on u? they say everything cuts both ways..so i dont work on a "one sided street". I dont have patience for people who cares about nothing but themselves, they just turn to other people for emotional things and let them know about their stupid life. I get tired of that crap. I get bored. If all u think is about you and ur life, then go get a diary or something, go find a somebody else to listen about you, yourself alone. I need somebody too, someone who listens, interacts with me and is fully interested in me and what i do. Apart from that i have lots of friends, all in different areas of life. I am tired of giving a shit on something i dont fully understand. i dont give damn for anything, when i quit, i walk out..i never turn my back, ever. I am tired of pretending its going to be nice..its going to be this way. People change, feelings change. I hate being lied at, being scorned and taken for granted, i hate blissful promises that are never done. I hate people who do that, it sucks. I hate the things people promised about but cant do anything , so annoying and so frustrating.

Im not perfect so dont expect anything as beautiful and excellent, i have had a tough life, so get over it. I get tired of wanting, waiting and feeling stupid.

If I see and feel something is so so wrong, you'll never never see me again.gosh, its so crazy, to feel when u really want something and u know, u cannot have it.

Lamps in Baclaran

whenever i would visit the baclaran church at during wednesday night, there's a place near there, where they sell a couple of lamps. colorful ones and unexpectedly cheap, they range from 80 pesos (smallest) to 400 pesos (largest). these lamps are made of bamboo sticks, with nets and felt paper with cute designs, but the most significant thing is that there are already bulbs inside these lamps and they are free. It is such a good bargain. i bought one for Glen for his bday and probably a couple of ones for our house. it will suit the bamboo living room in the terrace...i love it.

me and Janice

College life will never be the same with janice. I knew Janice way back since Lasalle days. well we got close because she was as talkative and as loud as me, we talk about a lot. but she's far demanding and more outspoken than me perhaps why we get along, she's sometimes dominant and im not. when was already in Fatima college, we had dorms right next to each other. I remember i would borrow the iron from them or sometimes when i am too lazy to cook breakfast or lunch i would drop by her dorm, and be a leech to eat breakfast or lunch with her and her dormates, and they never seem to mind, sometimes they would even insist at times.hehe. well janice is like my...

1. my mom - well she does act like that. whenever i would have problems in any areas of my life, she would be there. she would listen and she would get mad everytime i would cry a lot. she doesnt judge me for all the stupid mistakes i do or whenever i insist on something. but she does get mad whenever she thinks im slacking from classes since i would go partying every night with friends or have new friends quickly,without even getting to know them, she hates it when i do that.

2. my sister - she likes my new lipstick, earring, belt, or whatever, she shares my passion for everything except for music, she isnt into hardcore types, but she likes movies as well as books. she thinks im smart at times but stupid when it comes to my own love life. well, she doesnt quite approve the men i date, probably because all of them never lasted. she knows the food i love or color i love to wear. she knows what to expect of me.

3. my old good friend - she serves as my diary of thought, although not updated at times but knows every secret, every heartache and every stupid thing about me. its her janice.