me and claudine

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SPLASHERS

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PMS syndrome part 1

its been over five to six months and i still cant get over with some guy. I know its stupid to think that i still like him and awfully miss him. But why make a fuss about, when he refuses to see me or even talk to me. Until now, its hard to understand what are we really.. because if we are just friends, then why are we not on speaking terms or if we are something else, then what is it that is keeping us from see each other, his gf? then he must know, i am not the type who is going wreck a relationship and i do know he loves somebody else and i completely understand that.

But why i am still thinking about him..

One Bad Trip..!!

Last weekend, i was invited to ruby's annual family outing, consisting of only her cousins. I was actually having some second thoughts about it, because i will not be able to spend the weekend with my family , but i already gave her word so I did. My real worry was how am i going to fit in, since all of them were related except me..actually it turned out to be the least i really expected.

I was amazed how cool they were, i mean they were as crazy as ruby was.. hehehe,and they did entertained me pretty well. well however, on the eve of the saturday night, something awful happened. that night, after i called my mom i charged my cellphone, because i was planning to call Beng. I left my cell in the living room, unaware of what will happen next.

After the delicious dinner, i realized i had to call beng, and so i came and found only the charger left without my cell. At first, i took it calmly, thinking maybe i just misplaced it, but i knew this was much serious. I asked everyone who last saw it there, one of ruby's cousin told me that apparently the caretaker's son passed the back door just inches away from where i left my cell. and then my heart sank when, we already contacted my cell, but the i could not hear it ringing anymore. DAMN.

I was already enjoying the night, why did it have to happen..although much pressured from the loss of my cell.. I drank the night away literally..But i just could not sleep. next morning, the madness of trying to find it began. of course, it was nowhere to be found. I left the place with mixed emotions..dumbfounded with what had happened as well as excited with the fun i had with ruby's cousins. Reality sank in when when i was back home already.

Maybe some things are not really meant to be..or perhaps it was never meant to be mine. i was so frustrated because, my cell had its own sentimental value. it reminded of many happy memories. fucking disappointing.

Tonight I write...

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear immense night, still more immense without her.And the verse falls to the soul like dew to a pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.Love is short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me sufferand these the last verses that I write for her.

-- PABLO NERUDA

SOmedaY we'LL Know

One of my closest guy friends, back college days is due for Dubai, today he will be leaving this v ery night. I got a last chance to see him and my college buddies yesterday, which actually the main reason why i was absent yesterday, apart from my "sick reason" hehe. I badly missed them so I went off there. I told him there would be no goodbyes, because the journey is quite far for all of us (metaphorically speaking) .I mean this would not be the last, this is only the beginning for a more profound friendship and a start for his own dreams too. I am sincerely proud of him, not just because he was one of the guys close to my "heart", (the guy is actually taken ) but because his family has been so nice to me and the bond that we had was extremely platonic, although i hardly knew his Gf (who was also nice to me) i mean he treated me like i 'm his own sister too. I had favors done by him and there were times like he would really make sure i have done everything right and he would always be my adviser on important things. its quite sad though, because i have been robbed by another friend (melodramatically speaking), but i know more blessings are more to come. he knew i looked at him this time much differently than before. this time, he knew i was inlove with someone else and maybe that's why during the party he was not even asking how my lovelife was. actually i viewed it a more matured way, maybe he also knew i was not in the mood to talk about it. there was also brief moment, when i was freshening up and out in the corner of my eye..i saw him staring at me..maybe he was thinking that this is one gurl, he is surely going to miss..i did not want to tell him how hard it is not miss to him but something tells me that if emotions would be more open that night, he might not have any strength to leave, leaving his family and his gf prorbably would be already too much..the least we could do is make a few more laughs one more time before he leaves. the night ended so well, i know he would have loved to beg for us not to leave, but things have changed..we do not have any dorms anymore..staying too long will no longer be an option..well at least not in my case..but i had too i had work today..fucking saturday night.

HeLTer SkeLTer

i just finished reading "Helter Skelter", its about the investigation of the sharon tate-leblanca murders and tria of of charles manson and his "family". the book was like a journey back to the late 60's era of hippies and drugs. I really felt the chill and the suspense the atmosphere back in califronia and i was so caught up with my reading, i can feel my heart beating really fast with every turn of the page as well as every facts or details revealed in the story. I even reasearched the facts about it. The colored photos of the murdered victims were really gruesome and Manson's full testimony in court is so twisted and you could actually feel how crazy the guy really is ..ANyway, i really enjoyed the spine-chilling book, it really gets you.. i eventually have this paranoia thing of double checking the doors and everything, who know, there might a copy cat here in my neightborhood.hhehe

oaTh to BitterNess

I shall not date again any guy from this day onwards nor even play dating games with them. I will not entertain any dinner dates nor accept any proposals from any man regardless of his position ,age nor face value (hehe). I refuse to comment on any issues regarding any guy i liked. I do not care about him nor his life or whichever that is related to him. I refuse to understand his state nor his capability level. I refuse to be nice and do not care if i become a heartless bitch. I will not let him know about the updated version of my life. I will try not to mention him to anyone and not make any significance into my life.

..Wish i could really mean those..what am I bitter for anyway? ..Maybe there are things much better unexplained and unsaid..No use trying to understand more when much pride and heartache is left to a woman's soul. Most people would never understand how hard it is to pretend that you're never affected and you never cared..when all the truth of it...is that you know the true reasons and decide to bury it forever.

SLeePiNg With BuTterFLies

SLEEPs wiTh butterflies - Tori AMOS

Airplanes
Take you away again
Are you flying
Above where we live
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night
I'm not but I like rivers that rush in
So then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
For you the acrobat
I won't push you unless you have a net

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some timeI don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away the night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly then boy


Balloons
Look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
Upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere

I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away the night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly boy


___
I love this song somuch.. the lyrics and all..it depicts a girl who is different..and
afraid of commitments ,refuses to attach to a guy.. unlike other girls..she doesnt' hold on to a guy..because i see myself so much with the song. If the guy i like doesn't stay on.. then i gladly set him free. No use holding on to someone that refuses to commit..eventhough it hurts so much to let go. I have never begged on anyone, especially to a guy..its not pride or anything..i guess its just taking the risk of getting ur heart broken..over and over again.

taMbays

Nope..No Hunks here..hehe just my friends

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Somewhere Between The waves and the sun

SoMeWhere in BetWeeN the Seas and Clouds


I have always dreamed of having a place near some secluded beach..although im terrified if any big waves do come..but its nice to wake up every morning and see the calm ocean and and sit up outside the porch on a sweet sunset while reading a good book and having tea with someone you'd spend ur whole life with..getting mushy again. Sometimes i do believe the best and special things are the simplest ones..i would trade anything for contentment and serenity. Nowadays, everyone's so busy and so hanged up on something, i have always believed in appreciating small things..i mean call me shallow and all but apart from the bitchiness ..i have always admired the serenity of life..like the landscape paintings.. it is stil life as they call it.. i prefer it being literally still..Sometimes, life has to stop and one has to hear some silence apart from all.

SomeWhere Only I Know

Aint it fab to live in a gorgeous house like the celebrities? but the price of privacy is impossible to them. Me? hmm, maybe someday I would like to be nicely settled on a laid-back environment where the atmosphere is all green, and you could really smell the freshness of nature in the early morning.. and sleep in the afternoons soundly and with fresh breeze..hmmm. Perhaps in my next lifetime hehe.. I have already seen lots of homes in the provinces and most of them have this serene and calm nature and like all the people who lived there are so awfully nice. Most people would day, it would be a disaster to live on a place where there's no gadgets nor even traces of technology.. well i have been to two hiking trips with some great friends and all we ever had were good stories and fun without any technology. I believe true simple living is not about the making life easy with any new technology or even any gadget but maybe with just simple laughs and simple stories shared with simple and good friends.


DreaM Haus

Redwitch ProJect

PICTURE! PICTURE!

well, i brought a cam with me, just to really make sure i would capture everyone there, and every moment..i know this is just going some ordinary beach getaway, but who cares the fact stays that i going out of town, get tanned (hopefully) and get drunk. heheh.. eventhough i have been awake for more than 24 hours.. and my brain nerves are ready to shutdown any moment.

Charlies Bitches este Angels pala

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The BeacHeD LiFe

Me anD BenG
well.. and so we i went last sat with a couple of friends..there's 16 of us..we went to Batangas, in a secluded beach far far away from all the ollution and noise..hehe..we had three cars, all in convoy, i was riding the first vehicle because only me and John ( a guy friend) knew the way there..actually there's a catch, i haven't slept yet..i just came straight from work..so i felt like a walking zombie, smoking and chatting with some friends..at some point, i thought i was just even dreaming actually...after three hours of drag racing ..(well because with the my guy friend's driving it felt like we were chasing some lunatic..hehe)..and we reached the place....

LasT daYS

Tears for Fears - Last Days On Earth

Tired of this elegant life
With the best will in the world
It's a thorn in your side
Dazed, not a little confused
Let the patient do the work
They got nothing to lose

I told you
I'd hold you
'til the last days on earth

Ties that are tested and tried
Like the crushing of the waves
We'll be lost in the tide
Talk away the pain for the very last time
Like an echo in a cave
Let it die in your mind

I told you
I'd hold you
'Til the last days on earth

If you should fall into these opened arms
You would be blessed not just bemused
Wake up their mind love is alonely world
Where nothing on earth lies like a truth
Ties that are tested and tried
Like the crushing of the waves
We'll be lost in the tide
Talk away the pain for the very last time
Like an echo in a cave
Let it die in our mind

I told you
I'd hold you
'Til the last days on earth
______

BeeacH BuMMinG

OMIGOD.. i am officially a fucking zombie. It seems my coffee kicked a lot stronger than i thought,and here I am wide awake at 4:26 am in this hell. Or maybe its just the anxiety or better yet the adrenaline rush of looking forward to my apparent runaway to the beach later this morning after work..hmm i guess not.hehe.. yUp, after work, me and my crazy guy friends with their technical gurlfrends are heading to the beach, fun huh?



i dont know if its the concept of the yearly outings that im always the one who hasn't brought any dates, or im always stringing a new girl friend (nope, sorry im a heterosexual, dont go for the same sex.. although i was nearly at that point hehe)or sometimes its just my sanity and myself that i bring along. anyway, i still enjoy it apart from the endless drinking sessions, repetitive gender debate, foul jokes on my lovelife (i dnt know why they love to do that), pigging carbos with them, answering their bizarre questions on women (as if they are really listening) and of course their sentiments as Men, (now thats my favorite part..)..I guess im looking forward to it at all..the scorching sun, mushy sunset, cool waves and of course, the beach sounds..No public vehicles, no buses, no horns, and of COURSE no PCs.. thank god, if i ever see another PC in there, rather be struck dead. Actually its just gonna be an overnyt thing, so i will be back on Sunday morNing..and probably back to pose some Deadly..er, hot pics..of humans.hehe..

"TryiNg to be Nice on a Good Friday"

i dont know what is it about men who think they are like God' s gift to women, when not even an inch of them makes me fall at my feet. Gosh, i may sound really bitter, but it is such a fact..a while ago, this guy called me up and asks what am i doing.. blah. . blah (note: this is one of my dumb admirers..well, who says im not allowed to have one hehehe)..and i answered him nicely, that i was off to work, then EXPECTEDLY (as such most guys play deaf to us women)..he blabs about his day..(actually he's more dumber than i think)..and asks me stupid questions ..like what time ill be going out, and even assumes i will be going out on a date.. blah, blah.. HELLO.. I said Work..and without even a hint of consideration or maybe he must have assumed i'll be flying a plane to work.. so i told him to call back.. and hanged the phone..MEAN? nope.. just being nice, actually. Then, of course on a holiday holy week..who would ever piss me off than my beloved X who texted to ask how was my week.. of course being the occasion, spiritual and everything..i prompted to be nice and texted him too..until he learns that im off to the beach this weekend..and then he begins to ask these pissing questions of why didnt i ask him to accompany me, why didnt i even asked him before, and why didnt i invited him.. of course, i wanted to call him and say the NICEST thing, but a phone call just isnt enough to insult him.. so i just texted the meanest answer i could think of.. "HeLLO? are u my BF?, that i'd had to ask u first?"..and there was no reply from him anymore... MEAN? nope..just doing him a favor. God would surely punish me for being evil and all..but am i not the victim of these dumb creatures? hehehe i feel like like having horns in my head. Sometimes its hard being a female, when u are acting up on these kinds of men,therefore i am labeled as a bitch..and if im become too nice.. then i'm a slut..yet.. if this does make me a bitch..then so be it.

drewLiciouSss

drewlicious

Redwitch ProJect

ive been surfing this fucking pc for hours, and eventually my brain is already being filled up the google website..i looked up one of my favorite hollywood actressess.. drew barrymore, and she's got this ultimately fun fan website, full of her beautiful pictures ( i mean really gorgeous)..and even her candid shots..also features the guys she dated..and her current bf too..i like her a lot even back in Hs..she's just so transparent..from a wildchild to an A-list producer and she's more gorgeous at 30.. i love drew and seeing her pictures and stuff makes realize how much fun life is.

Go with LoVe

Go With Love- swan dive

Don't tell me it's hard for you
when you say that you hurt too
it just makes it much more cruel when you talk that way
And I know we've reached the end,anyone would know
It's foolish to pretend,I wish you would

Go now,don't make this harder just
Go now,leave me alone, if you
Go nowat least you can go with love

Once we laughed in summertime
I was yours and you were mine
what went wrong and who knows why it turned out this way
But sayyou'll always have a place in your heart for me
and I'll do the same but please let me

Go now,don't make this harder just
Go now,leave me alone, if you
Go nowat least you can go with love

You should go now,don't make this harder just
Go now,leave me alone, if you
Go nowat least you can go with love
Part of me wants you to stay
but we'd be unhappy this way and we'd both regret it someday

So Go now,don't make this harder just
Go now,leave me alone, if you
Go nowat least you can go with love.