the Last Shot

last weekend, I shall never drink again..ever
I shall never even entertain the thought of it
I shall never consume alcohol when i can't really take it all
I shall never get drunk and pass out
I shall never be so drunk that i cannot even remember some impt events
i shall never get so drunk on a saturday night and sleep all sunday
I shall never leave my purse under the table to which
i totally forgot
I shall never get drunk and be involve in endless debate about
"destiny.."hehe
I promise to be sober..forever and ever..
I shall never drink again..tomorrow.

TRES AMIGOS..GLENN AND DJ WINDY LOOKS ON (TNx FOR MOONY)

MYRA AND CRAZY JAMES


ME AND BAM, "THE TANGGERRA" (ONE WHO POURS THE DRINKS, IN TAGALOG)

CELL LOOKS ON

HERE'S THE ENGINEER, WHO BELIVES IN ALL LOGIC

THE LOST KID

OKAY, ELENA THIS IS THE LAST SHOT OF RUM,

GOOD NIGHT FOLKS, IM SIGNING OUT!

_________________________________

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUTER!...THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT..HEHE CHEERS, GIRL!

their conditional ceasefire

I've always hated watching the news. I can't even stand watching the CNN, seeing those politicians, most of whom makes a lot of money out of people's pockets, the damn taxes which u don't even know who really sustains from it..but then..

The other day, I stumbled upon this one documentary in the CNN..about the Israel-Lebanon conflict. There was a girl who was lying in a long chair and was hugging her father, and her legs were shaking, it was said that it is because another bomb or explosion is about to happen, her father says, she shivers at the mere thought of it. This shows how much they live in fear, a lot. I was deeply sad as well as confused, I mean what's the point of letting these people, such innocent lives be put to grave danger, just to prove how strong ur nation is, or how much bullets, missiles u can fire..I wonder is it worth it? There are already a number of children and women who have died, and yet nobody seems to care..all these leaders do, is just shook their heads ..and wonder why are they letting this happen..and don't fucking tell the others, that "it wasn't supposed to be this way"..was it? All the blood and screaming will never stop..even if they strike all the population out of each nation..will it really prove something. How can they sleep at night and not wonder, and not care about the lives, that they have wasted..
In the older years, history would prove..every nation would fight for its people and for its freedom..Is not the right to live..a form of freedom..or Has the world, gone so numb..we have already forgotten, the real meaning of everything?

the lunacy of shopping

i was out the whole day, because i needed to do a lot of things, and sometimes a whole day is just enough for any of it. I had to send something to my dad, develop some pictures, buy some special things, get some money in the bank (yeah, i needed to borrow some millions, hehehe). Report some complainst to my current telephone company, because they sucked at their service and needed to buy some few items. Whew! i havent even got through half of day, oh i needed to buy some books, cds..and oh i think i have to buy some shoes..or no..probably a dress..oh but...well, its as good as it gets. hehe.

Sons and Lovers

"She herself was opposite. She had a curious, receptive mind which found much pleasure and amusement in listening to other folk. She was clever in leading folk to talk. She loved ideas, and was considered very intellectual. What she liked most of all was an argument on religion or philosophy or politics with some educated man. This she did not often enjoy. So she always had people tell her about themselves, finding her pleasure so.." ...................................

This is an excerpt from the book, Sons and Lovers by D.H. Lawrence..whew! after 3 weeks u've finally finished it..it was like a journey from the old times, set in old england. The comparison between the old english culture and now is fascinating. Funny how some things or how people behaved or lived..does still stay in the present culture right now. I meant was the promiscuous dating, the "relationship" between friends which does seem to mean more to them yet they have trouble expressing it, the fact that most men still follow their mother's choice ..its really amazing. I liked this book, not because it spoke of a man's confused emotions toward the important women in his life..but because of how..emotions were discussed, I loved the author's way of writing and describing them..Its interesting that sometimes, unaware as we always are..we affect people..by the way we feel about them.

Let's make love and listen death from above - Cansei de Ser Sexy

Callin me high on the telephone
Came by plane all alone
Spend the afternoon making a speech
Speech made you nervous that you couldn't eat
You came to show your mad love
You came to tell it's not enough
Come and erase me and take me with you
Kiss me I'm drunk, and don't worry it's true
I want to show me how mad is your love
Come and attack me it's not gonna hurt
Fight me deny me if I fear when your close
Let's make love and listen death from above

You knew my ideas when they were in my head
They were my secret evening plans
Wine then bed then more then again, wine then bad then more then again
Run run run, to make your heart shake,
Kiss kiss kiss will make this earth quake
I'm gonna get what I'm willin to take
This gotta worth the miles you made
Come back I'll warm you up,
Make me breakfast, I'll make it up
You're so talented I'm in love
Let's make love and listen death from above

I'm back with a smack, and I'm ready to attack
Stare at my lips and I see they were wet
I know how you're doing by loonking at your pants
And this is how we call it a comeback..

Screaming your name on the microphone,
Going back home all alone
Listen to the tunes that you sent to me..
Listen to them good company
I want to show my mad love,
You have to know it's not enough
Come and complete me, stay here with me
This is all true, it's water I drink
I want you to show me how mad is your love
Come and attack me it's not gonna hurt
Fight me, deny me if I fear when you're close
Let's make love and listen death from above

download Cansei de Ser sexy-Lets Make Love And Listen Death From Above.mp3
______________________________
i first noticed this brazilian indie band from browsing some mp3 blogs in the net. I thought their name sounded french, and so eagerly enough i checked their song "let's make love.." I find it funky, a pop rock and psychedelic, a bit electronic..well i enjoyed it quite a lot. Its interesting to know, that at first, none of them even knew how to play any instruments except for their drummer.. and now I guess, they're probably gaining popularity. Now i have downloaded three songs from them, "Odio odio odio sorry"(another fave, sounded pretty different), "fuck off its not the only thing u have to show" (well Cansei does have a weird way of naming their songs, its mostly long and has sex connotations,) and lastly, "music is my hot hot sex" (love the chorus --MUSIC is my boyfriend..music is ...).

"sumbungan place"

Everybody wants to escape once in a while, away from anything ..sometimes u just want to watch the world go in limbo, while u step away from it all ..just for a day, an hour, a minute or even just for a second.

When i was just a teen, i have this secret place in our village..but its actually in the outermost part. Its actually almost a part of the next village. me and my closest friends used to drive there, whenever we felt like just hanging out or basically just watching the amazing view staring at us, whether its late at night or in a sunny afternoon. I remember all the moments ive spent there with friends and all the stories that probably only the wind, plants, grasses or my even the car has shared with us. Its like ur "sumbungan place", a place where u could just lash out and say anything u want to..a place where ur not judged, even if u think how wrong u are or how stupid u can get, and its a place where everything's quiet, and peaceful, like everything's listening to ur emotions, letting u know that somehow, in all these struggles u have..there's somebody listening to u..u just have to feel it. no its not an eerie kind of thing, there's nothing really special about the place, apart that its an overlooking view of the houses in Ayala aLabang, the buildings, and malls in alabang, somehow it makes u feel..that everything just stops for a while.

The last time I was there with a friend late at night, a patrolman told us that its not a safe place for anyone anymore especially at night because somebody was killed and raped at that place, and the body was left and dumped. Its strange..because ive always liked that place. It felt that we were not welcome to stay there anymore. Yet i respected the fact, that maybe some good things never last, although I still go there sometimes..especially a chilly night.

Ako Yung....... (I am the one who....)

Ako yung mahilig makinig ng maingay at kahit na ano, basta may lyrics, lalo na indie rock, alternative, pop, rnb and trance.
Ako yung tipo ng babaeng akala mu bading pero hindi naman.
Ako yung kaibigan mu na pwede mung sabihan ng kahit na anu, pero di pa ren magababago tingin ko sayu.
Ako ung kasama mu na tatawa ng malakas kahit corny yung joke, pero di kita iiwan sa ere.
Ako yung pwede mung utangan pag meron, pwede kita ilibre, pero uutangan din kita.hehe
Ako yung katabi mu na pag may mali sayu, sasabihin ko ng maayus pero pupurihin kita kapag may maganda or bago sayu, kase totoo yun.
Ako yung babaeng pwede mu date kahit saan wag mu lang ako babastusin.
Ako yung pwede mung ipakilala sa ibang tao, at asahan mu close ko na sila.
Ako yung tumatahimik pag galit at mainit ang ulo, pero parang abnormal parang sobrang saya.
Ako yung madaling magtiwala basta may tiwala sa akin.
Ako yung madaling yayain pero mahirap pag walang pera.
Ako yung masarap kausap lalo na pag lasing.
Ako yung matiyaga maghintay basta wag mu lang gagawing tanga.
Ako yung madaling maniwala basta babawiin mu pag muka na akong gago.
Ako yung taong madaling tumulong basta kaya ko.
Ako yung sensitive na tao na minsan nasasaktan din at umiiyak.
Ako yung pwede mung kasama buong araw maglakad basta kakain tayu pag gutom na ako.
Ako yung magsasabi sayu ng totoo pag lahat ng tao sa paligid mu ginagago ka na.
Ako yung babaeng pwedeng umintindi, magmahal ng malupit, basta di ako lolokohin.
eleNa

simple kind of life by Avid liongoren

Lets forget about
the stock market
or ruling the world
for the meanwhile
and apreciate
a glass of cold water
soft pillows
and a pleasant smile

Let's be amazed
with the fact
that the yellow sun rises
and not fuss about
promotions, 3 day sales
and winning Nobel prizes

Let's not worry
where the human race is headed
or if you will pass
tommorows test
We can't win the universe
some times "good enough"
is better than "best"

Stop chasing for that
millionaire husband
or beauty queen wife
talk to your dog
buy ice cream
eat cake
and see the sparkle
in a simple kind of life
____________________________________________

I got this from Mr. Avid's website.. liked this poem. Sometimes when life stresses u out and u get tired from all the talking as well as listening to every noise, u just want to stop and feel the air around u, have quietness even just for a second. For once, u just want to be numb from all the things that u feel and let go of all the fear and sadness that lies underneath. For once, u'd just want to get away from all of it..all u ever wanted..was something far simple..

If you Love ur Coffee....

THIS IS A NICE SIMPLE STORY SHARED BY A FRIEND..SOMETHING TO PONDER..

A group of alumni, highly established in their
careers, got together to visit their old university professor.
Conversation soon turned into complaints about
stress in work and life.
Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to
the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an
assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain
looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help
themselves to the coffee.

All the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the
professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensivecups
were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones.
While it is but normal for you to want only the best for
yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured
that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee in most cases, just
more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink.
What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for
the best cups... and then began eyeing each other's cups. Now consider this: Life is the coffee, and the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us."

God brews the coffee, not the cups...enjoy your coffee.

Lakwatcheras

The number one "Lakwatchera" (i.e. one who loves to roam around)
-well i could have stayed home and watched the clouds turn from white to grey then white then grey then white then grey..oh gosh, it gets into me. So I watched them outside until stupid thoughts linger on my peanut brain


chaotic rains about to pour on an mid-afternoon in boulevard





THE THAI LUNCH
well, i had to be absent on such a lovely rainy ..oh sorry, not rainy but actually stormy tuesday morning , I had drive my mom on one of her important errands (yup, im such a good daughter, i should be hanged..hehe). we decided to eat lunch out at mall of asia, in roxas boulevard despite the heavy rains, well we were craving for a good lunch, we thought we'd check out the "Paluto" in asia mall. I liked the ambiance. I think its the way restaurants should be, they even had "outdoor ac", technically an evaporative type of air conditioning, hi tech ..huh.. but it was actually better. There were different stalls, each offering a different types of menu of asian cuisine, there was a filipino stall for grilled food, bbq, sinigang (stew), seafoods, japanese food, chinese food, indian..we chose thai food. I ordered red curry and my mom ordered Phad thai, some kind of noodles which had a sweet and sour tast, (yuck) but it was good though..maybe i wasnt just into it. But i did like the red curry (it wasnt as spicy as i thought it'd be) and the beef salt and pepper whatver,tasted nice. Hmm, the meal was cheap though..but I wasnt satisfied. I dont know, maybe i was expecting more of the thai cuisine..the rest of the menu were too common. That catch is, after the meal i had this weird taste left in my mouth.








we went to "Kultura" (i.e. means Culture) i was trying to find a nice antique gift for my dad, i was also trying to think of some gift for a friend..but had second thoughts. So i just bought something for my dad.





SNAPSHOTS
me and ja, last sunday..she spent at the night at our house..yup, i had another girl
sleeping at my place naman, gosh ..next time naman lalake na sana.

Of Canadian creeks and gay thing

MY friend JM at Tahimi creek looking ready to jump..=)

kayaks!!!

Tamihi Creek

Cultus Lake

Deer in the Highway



my friend JM, who's in canada right now, sent me this pics from his camping trip with kids. They are obviously fascinating. This was taken somewhere at the mountain part. He told me that the tent sites were supposedly organized and there are only designated areas for campers, which compared to my camping experiences here in manila, there are no such "designated" camp sites, i mean the rule is wherever that suits your tent and the area is not too rocky or a bit far from the cliff, its enough. Anyway, he told me its sunny there, a contradiction compared to the weather here, where it has been raining all weekend. I love the water and rainy season, but the effect of it, is the one that irritates me.. i get all too sleepy and lazy to go out of bed. JM tells me, the creek water is so clear and clean, its safe enough to drink it..i asked him if he tried to..and my crazy friend just laughed.

I told him the mountain area and creek part reminded me of the recent DVD ive watched, "Brokeback mountain", GOSH, i didnt expect it. I mean i knew it was about homosexuality, but the thing was, I didnt expect Jake Gylenhaal and Heath Ledger had acted on their parts intensely. I mean i have watched a couple of gay movies from pedro almodovar or from other directors.. but never saw two men who acted on their parts..so right. It wasnt just about being gay, its about two men who trusted each other and eventually had more beyond that friendship. As the movies tag line says.. "love is a force of nature", maybe love really does not choose anything or any person, when it does choose to exist. pretty deep huh. If i was in the Brokeback premiere night, i would have done a standing ovation. Its one of the passionate movies ive ever watched.

The Clientele - I can't seem to make you mine

In the silence of the garden
Moss arizing on the wind
And the beast is pondering love love love
'Till the rusty nail grow dim

(Chorus)
I can't seem to make you mine
Through the long and lonely night
And I try so hard, darling
But the crowd pulled you away
Through the rhythm and the rain
And the ivy coiled around my hand

So I lingered with the people
In the silent August glade
But the rain has brought the night
And the night has brought the rain


download I can't seem to make you mine.mp3

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well im a fan of the movie "the lake house" and i'm such as sucker for ultimate mushy indirect songs...i love this song.. i think its a better way of saying no matter how hard u try it, its funny how u cant seem to get this person u like most.

my "malong"

The malong is a woven Maranao multi-colored cloth
bearing variety of okir designs. The well-organized
shapes indicate the weaver's village of origin. The garment can function as
blanket, bedsheet, dressing room, hammock, prayer mat and for cultural events of
the Maranaos. A newborn is wrapped in a malong and as he grows this piece of
cloth becomes a part of his daily life. When he dies, he is once again wrapped
in a malong.
The malong has evolved into its modern use, a quick way to
gather things by strapping the four corners forming a big pouch. It was said
that the plight of the Maranaos can retold with a malong. At the height of the
war in some parts of Mindanao, the villagers
evacuate with their things packed in malong. - source wikipedia

my doctor friend "Jo", just came from Iligan today, its far far southeastern part of Manila, somewhere in Mindanao, its where most muslim people live and Islamic religion is widely distributed. She brought me back this gorgeous malong. Its like a big cloth fit for two people actually. I asked her why she bought me a large one. She replied, "well, i don't think u will be single for the rest of your life so, so i chose fit for two..well u never know.."

Anyway, i loved it. U can make use of many things with it. U can use it as long skirt, house dress, a sling bag or even a blanket too. I love the print too, Jo knows I love red and orange shades. Of course its all about flowers. If malongs do tell one's story, maybe mine will be a flowery tale.

Taco day

im making tacos for friends today and also for my mom, who loves to taste everything i do, even if its does taste weird. I wanted to make some burritos but, i guess i'd rather do the tacos, its kinda easier and more practical anyway.



after this week and next week..August starts. Gosh, its just been a few months and now its my birthday again. For most of my buddies, its something they've been looking forward to..but sorry for them. this year i'll take a break. Im planning a one day trip. nope, not some sort of out of town thing. But it will be like, i will be out for most of my birthday day. Im planning to go out early morning, attend some mass, eat breakfast at china town, walk and do some shopping in the public market, try some new resto for lunch then, walk in manila bay park, then have some dinner again in my fave seafood place, visit a friend's apartment, change some clothes and go club partying in a posh trance club at Embassy, have some coffee before driving back home in the south at 6am. cool? its like one day adventure. I know ill be alone, but its not sure yet. Probably some old friend would care to hang out with me and be my date for one whole day (I need someone who's funny, loves to talk and has a driving license) anyway I'll be single on my birthday, just like all my birthdays, (how pathetic is that?). I just got tired giving out a party every year, i dont even have the satisfaction at the end of the day. I just get drunk and get tired from cleaning all the mess. Its time, i plan on something that'll just be all about me and no one else. I told my friends to spare me the gifts and all, because the things I want most right now, will never be bought and only a miracle can make them all happen. (but of course, if it comes from the heart, then i'll treasure it for the rest of my life).

now im busy making a gift for my dad.. I want to send something that will always remind him about me and my two "ugly" brothers. Its kinda sweet actually, well birthdays are always about that,its a suppose to be a day where u actually realize how special u are from the people in ur lives.

less of everything

I'm bored. definitely and ultimately bored. this weather is making me feel dumped and useless. I cannot go out and i cannot plan trips. Because I know, there are a lot of more things to care about and to think about.

Maybe there are things in life that happen for no reason at all. No matter how much it always happens to you, how routine and how exactly it circles your way of life, yet until now, you dont know why. For example, emotions fascinate me, no matter how much you control them, sometimes they get the best of you. And yet, even though you always came to a point of having strong feelings for someone, its there. Even if you battle it with logical reasons, the emotion rises and takes over you at the least expected. Sometimes, i mean quite ridiculous it may seem to be, i wonder what life is like for different people. Like the ones who sleep in the streets, how do they cope? what makes them sleep at night without worries? I mean i could see them everyday. For me, I couldn't sleep without any blanket at all, well I'm a blanket-addict...I can sleep without pillows but not without blankets of sort. I can be sorry for them for the rest of my life, but i will never know their struggles and also probably their feelings.

Everynight, before work I always pass this old railroad to work in Buendia, and there are people there, families, children everywhere. Its an unfortunate place but its a home for them. When I see them, its gives me an inspiration to live well, to appreciate things I have and take time with people I love most. Its amazing how most people like me who get to have all these stuff, this education, this job, these friends, these things, who always had more..yet I still complain..but those people who always had less of everything, can sleep soundly in the night and do not care what happens next. Maybe life is not really about having everything or doing everything..maybe Life is about the passion..to live..in spite of everything.

Elena's three things -questionnaire by Shen

3 cities you’ve lived in Manila
- Valenzuela City
- Muntinlupa City
- Cavite City

3 malls you usually go to
- glorietta
- ayala town
- festival mall


3 of your favorite restaurants
- Binalot (Im crazy for tapsilog!)
- Bollywood
- Yellow Cab

3 favorite foods
- Pasta
- Bopis
- any seafood dish


3 thing you’ve done today..
..
- finish CPMG and landauer
- Help ruby's work
- blog


3 last persons you saw
- my mom
- lei
- my brother


3 things you usually buy
- cologne
- earrings
- books/mags


3 things found in your bag
- cellphone
- wallet
- vanity kit

3 perfumes/colognes
- Pleasures
- Loewe
- Plumeria

3 favorite colors
- red
- orange
- white

3 favorite parts of your house
- my room
- bamboo set balcony
- living room

3 things you're planning to buy
- a dress
- a gift for my dad's bday in Aug
- blank cds

3 things running in your mind right now
- kakatamad pumasok!
- Gusto ko lumayas this weekend!
- Gago sya! (hahaha!)

rules for travelers

Racism refers to various belief systems maintaining that humans can be separated into various groups based on physical attributes and that these groupings determine or influence cultural or individual achievement or the essential value of human beings. This can lead to hostility against individuals based on a perceived or ascribed "race".


Last week, after me and my officemates had dinner at mcdonalds near the office building, there was this "european" guy i think, (its in his accent, i guess). He approached us and he was asking for directions about this certain indian restaurant. One of my colleagues told me to talk to him instead since most of them were hesitant with speaking with this guy.

I asked "what specific place are u looking for in this area?"

european guy answered "well im looking for this indian restaurant, they told me its along Buendia avenue here in Makati..do u know it?"

I said "Okay, you see, i havent heard of an indian restaurant here..but since u came the other direction, why not try the other side of the Buendia Avenue, its probably there."

This time, i know he looked very tired, agitated and probably hungry..he became quite..irritated.

He looks at me, like he thinks im stupid. he said "What?! Do you understand what i'm saying? i said im looking for an indian restaurant, what do you mean about the other side of Buendia avenue, this is Buendia avenue!".

well, this time it was already quite insulting since im a filipino, and this is manila..and he's probably from god-knows-where in europe..so between us, its logical that I probably know better which side he should be going or what place is he pertaining to.

I knew from the tone of his voice that he was irritated because i could not give him any specific answers, and besides my officemates (who were mostly men) were looking at him seriously and are already whispering to me that this guy is getting on their nerves in tagalog.

I told him that "Okay, you know, why don't you just ask somebody else, we cant help you..sorry we dont know the place." politely..

He was about to go..but still he comes back..this time its far more worse.

He asks me again "Okay, can't you just suggest any restaurants that serve pork?"

I answered him "Well, there are a couple of restaurants in the other side of the street.."

And this stupid european guy answered.."Hey!, Im not asking for filipino restaurants, I dont like filipino restaurants, i like indian restaurants.. or any restaurants that serve pork."

Okay, i think my patience just snapped right there..and i could really say mean things to him and insult him on the spot..

But still poised, I smiled and said "You're probably tired so i suggest you take a cab, and go to the nearest mall a few blocks from here, where there's a whole bunch of restaurants to choose from."

He said "Ok, nevermind..whatever".


one of my officemates, Cris who was the tallest, told me that i had a long patience with that guy because if that guy shouts at me again or insults me again, he will lose his temper and would not hesitate to punch him. Afterall, the guy was in our territory. I knew that everyone was so mad at the way this european guy was talking to me, but i told them i was trying to help him because I could see how his clothes looked and his face was so tired, he probably has been walking all the day along, i knew he was agitated ..he was already insulting me by shouting but I didnt want to make a big deal of that because I could embarass him all i want and make fun of him but it wouldnt matter, he's a foreigner in a foreign place. I didnt take advantage of that but i wished he wont meet any more trouble and learn his lesson the hard way. I hate it when a foreigner is is here in manila, and complains of a lot of things..who wants them here anyway? If you're a foreigner in a foreign land then u earn ur respect by knowing the place and its people.

of course, all Filipino restaurants serve pork (even the americans knew that or the japanese), if the stupid guy wasn't so idiotic enough to know that. Its a standard dish cooked in all kinds. Besides, i know i have only travelled in the middle east part, but its standard rule for travelers..is not to ask exact directions in the streets.

I've always believed that the best information a person can get is from three sources; a taxicab driver, a store owner and police authority. Its based on experience..trust me.

bad days

"When angry count to four, when very angry, swear."
-Mark Twain



hay nako kung gago ka. Gago ka talaga. lagi na lang ganyan ever. putangina na yan. Pwes kung patigasan eh patigasan, putah ang dami arte. ayoko ng gingawang tanga. Kaya pag tarantado ka, mas tatarantaduhin kita.

a sort of epiphany

last week, i woke up crying, probably because i had a bad dream. I don't really quite recall it but it was sort of like, some guy or some person had left me in a place and i was crying because i was heartbroken about it. well of course, it was kinda felt crazy afterwards because i didn't know i was in tears and it was supposed to be only just a dream. Then I thought about some things, issues, persons, and friends in my life that had kept me waiting and suddenly would just left me hanging. I realized for all those time, i tried to prolong my patience because i didnt want to give up, i wanted to face and feel all the hurt and embarassment just to see it over, and i would cry in shame for what happened. I felt sorry for myself. I realized, things have to change. I dont want to wait for something and be stuck longing for what happens next, its boring. Its like watching a cocoon turn into a butterfly for 10 years. I don't want things like that to happen again. If I wanted to do things, i should start and plan now. I realized i have been focusing on some stupid part of my life, that i need to accept, that it would never progress into something i wished (well i guess, maybe its not yet time). I have to accept that some people will never change, they would always treat you the way they have always been. You can never expect them to be more sweet, when all their life they have never been loved, some can never respect you because its too much of their pride, other friends would always have their same old attitude and stick with it for the rest of their lives, and some situations will never change because its meant to be that way.


Sometimes, all you have to do is give up and move on. I mean instead of waiting for a change, why not be the one who'll change and do something better with your time. this is my single life... i can do whatever i want to, leave whenever i want and change whenever i want.

Love song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot

S’io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s’i’odo il vero,
Senza tema d’infamia ti rispondo.


LET us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question …
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit.


In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.


The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes,
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.


And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.


In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.


And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair—
[They will say: “How his hair is growing thin!”]
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin—
[They will say: “But how his arms and legs are thin!”]
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.


For I have known them all already, known them all:—
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?


And I have known the eyes already, known them all—
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?



And I have known the arms already, known them all—
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
[But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!]
It is perfume from a dress
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.
And should I then presume?
And how should I begin?
. . . .
.
Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows?…


I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.

. . . . .
And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep … tired … or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head [grown slightly bald] brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet—and here’s no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.


And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: “I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”—
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say: “That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all.”


And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor—
And this, and so much more?—
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
“That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all.”
. .
. . .
No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous—
Almost, at times, the Fool.


I grow old … I grow old …
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.


Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think that
they will sing to me.


I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

wishful thinking

quotes from The Alchemist by, Paulo Coelho

-It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.

-Never stop dreaming.

-Not everyone can see his dreams come true in the same way.

-Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.

-The world's greatest lie: At a certain point in out lives we lose control of what's happening to us and our lives become controlled by fate.

-When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

-Intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life, where the histories of all people are connected, and we are able to know everything because it's all written there.

-If you can concentrate on the present, you'll be a happy man…the secret is here in the present. If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better…Each day, in itself, brings with it an eternity.

-Everything has been written by the same hand.

-All things are one.

-Courage is the quality most essential to understanding the language of the world.

-Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him.

-Wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.

-You've got to find the treasure, so that everything you have learned along the way can make sense.

-There is only one way to learn. It's through action.

-Listen to your heart. It knows all things, because it came from the Soul of the World and it will one day return there.

-This natural world is only an image and a copy of paradise.

-The existence of this world is simply a guarantee that there exists a world that is perfect.

-No heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.

-Most people see the world as a threatening place, and because they do, the world turns out indeed to be a threatening place.

-When you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed.

-No one fails to suffer the consequences of everything under the sun.

-There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.

-When we love, we always strive to become better than we are.

-When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.

-Without love, dreams would have no meaning.

-Love is the pure language of the world...A language without words…the one true language of the universe. It requires no explanation, just as the universe needs none as it travels through endless time.

-Love is the force that transforms and improves the soul of the world.

-No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn't know it.

-A philosophy of life: I'm an adventurer, looking for treasure

and I could fill that hole for you...

how can i apply...?
-trashcan sinatras




download how can i apply to you.mp3 (live version)

there's a boy up here
who wants you to love him
but he can't ignore his fears
there's a girl down there
who wants you to love her
like you did this time last year

and I could fill that hole for you
how can I apply to you?
i could fill that hole for you some way

morning light i feel
come and make a meal of me
i'm hot this morning
and i must say miss, this dish is delicious
you can have some more for dinner

and i will fill that hole for you
how can I apply for you?
i could fill that hole for you someday


there's a dream somewhere
that's never been spoken
here's your busfare somewhere else
where you can spend your days
all shattered and broken
til you're gone goodbye forever


but i could fill that hole for you
how can I apply for you?
i could fill that hole for you some way
i could fill that hole for you
how can I apply to you?
i'll be whole for you someday, some way

______________________________

check trashcansinatras website

i enjoyed this scottish indie band ever since i first heard, "leave me alone". I also have a few of their songs, and i never get tired of listening to douglas and reader's voices and their guitars. I also visited their website and they're one of the generous bands that i know, they really interact with fans. one of my faves.

Hidden Paradise in iligan

The Tinago Falls is one of the main tourist attractions in Iligan, a city known as the City of Majestic Waterfalls. Tinago is a Filipino word meaning "hidden", the falls being hidden in a deep ravine. Trekking to the falls requires approximately 500 descending steps called the winding staircase. It is said that Tinago Falls is a sanctuary for weary souls seeking to commune with nature. The trip to the falls actually exposes you to a variety of wildlife. Today, the trail is refurbished into a wildlife park hosting different species of wild animals.
The falls is approximately 240-feet high, its very cold waters cascading beautifully into a deep and calm basin-like pool which appears like a blue-colored lagoon. Under the falls is a small cave where people can enter and listen to the rumbling waters. The foot of the falls is a very ideal place for swimming. The place also has man-made swimming pools for children. It is truly a majestic place that resounds an atmosphere of serenity, a perfect escape from the noisy metropolitan. -SOURCE: WIKIPEDIA

the other day, my friend jo, a doctor, told me that she was going home next week to iligan city, in the mindanao region ..far far south. she was going to travel by plane, since travel by ship would take about almost 2 to 3 days of trip. She relates to me that Iligan city is a wonderful place. i mean i have heard of it but i didnt really know, what makes it special. well, ive been living here in manila since birth but i never thought that there's such secret and very much more paradise-like places in other remote provinces of the philippines.

she showed me pictures of Tinago falls, and wow, was i mesmerized and i couldnt take my mind off of it. she tells me, that this falls was open to the public since she was a child (well, she's almost 35 plus now), and it has always been this secluded place, and interestingly, the bottom of the Tinago falls has never been measured or dived because it was believed to be very very deep..more like an abyss probably underneath. She also tells me of maria cristina falls, which is more of the popular one, since its one of their primary sources for electricity, "geothermal energy"..that's why she tells me, life in iligan city is simple and not costly.

she tells me stories of a barbecue stand which is usually open by night and they sell barbecues so cheap for just almost 7 to 10pesos and its really tasty and has a delicious sauce. She told me that at night, if u want to get a good view of the whole city, u just have to hang out infront of the city hall, because in front of it, lies the whole overlooking view of the city and probably breathtaking. She tells me the Iligan fiesta celebration is in September, i told her to invite me there..but she tells me, i could go there anytime i want to, because i might not really enjoy the place at times when the whole city is crowded.

gosh i love this falls, i love batis-like places..i always fall in love with the serene nature of waters and falls. I could stay there forever.

Tinago falls

iligan fiestA

maria cristina falls

dimbalut falls

scenes from Tinago falls

wacky weekends

Sunday,

i went to italy then went back to manila quickly because i just attended a birthday party there and then i had to go home at 10 in the evening because i have work the next day.

hehe. seriously, well if i had one day in italy..it wouldnt be just about a birthday party, im pretty sure of that. actually, i attended this children's party at Club Italia, (well apparently the owner was an italian based here in th philippines that's why it's called like that, even the streets are like in italian locations..one of which was vatican city, weird) well john and joy, my two good friends decided to celebrate their eldest daughter's bday, jasmine..which i fondly call "chabeng". food was good and really delicious. I went with john's cousin mallen, beng and myra. of course, the sounds was all in trance music and there were programs games for the children there. i didnt get bored because the party was lively, and u could really see the children enjoying themselves. they even their faces painted and they would run around knocking balloons every where. i had a fun time, its always nice to be a kid sometimes.


















Saturday,

my brother, john had a "patient exam". its like he's supposed tohave a volunteer patient for his practice as a dentist. He needed a child as young as 9 years old. so i went with my two cute nieces nikki and anne and my favoriet cousin , ate weng. I also met his current gf, jane, who was perky and really nice. it was nice to be around the college students at my brother's university, its like remembering my own college years, when u have to meet schedules, attend boring lectures, review for exams, do ur own laundry, attend crazy parties, have crushes, date jerks, be on clinic duty..

we stayed around the campus for almost the whole day. i also visited allan's university, in san beda, which had a lot of students too..most of whom thought i was a student. it was interesting to watch these young people, i was thinking like in a few years from now, these teens would look back at all these crazy moments they had and all these learning they gained, and they would miss it. I saw different kinds of young people, its amazing how generations change. They seem to be more complicated nowadays and think more vaguely differently than before.

anyway, i got throught the day but the only bad thing was, my sandals broke while i was walking to the parking lot..gosh of all the things that could happen.






with jane





the patient




the mad dentist