the funny men at the office

Redwitch ProJect

just cant stop partying together at HardRock Cafe

Redwitch ProJect

Lei and Me

Redwitch ProJect

The wedding dates

The WeDDiNG DaTes..hehe
Saturday night, we went to Noel's wedding, one of my funny officemates and my editor, too. it was a very adventurous day, first we rode in ruby's car which inspite of its engine problems, still manage to get us to the wedding in time.. , second, we were be behaving like two mad women, yelling at the fucking drivers who scolded and scoffed insulting remarks at us whenever the engine stops just because we are womem , shame on them and third, while having coffee at town center, we met some of our good friends too.

The wedding was simple, solemn and remarkably nice. I love the ambiance. especially at the reception and probably because the bride and groom are undoubtly nice as well as the people there. I was especially nervous when i was called to catch the bouquet. well i really dont believe in the old sayings and tradition but who knows..i just didnt want get married soon. The people there, consisted of only the people close to them, it was good because it was not really hard to accomodate everyone as well as it was much more organized that way. I would also like that in my wedding (if ever i do decide to marry hehe). I even had a fourtune cookie, which was like some dumb fortune for child. I never can relate.=)

mr and mrs. littaua

Redwitch ProJect

y not tita audz

Redwitch ProJect

the proud groom

Redwitch ProJect

off to the reception

Redwitch ProJect

wedding crashers

Redwitch ProJect

brides for sale hehe

Redwitch ProJect

The TequiLa Rose NighT

Friday night, we were supposed to go out with the other friends, but unfortunately they had dates so i spent time instead with rubz and erick. we hung out at 19 east, drank some beer, and stuffed ourselves with various pulutans, funny toilet humor and we decided to try out the teqila rose shots, it tasted somewhat like bailys but more sublime , which amazingly tasted really nice. It was nice night. I went home drunk, as usual at 3am.

starcrossed Lovers

Redwitch ProJect

one last teqila rose

Redwitch ProJect

Threesomes eric, rubz and me

Redwitch ProJect

For SanTa

Holidays are here now. yet, its like just a normal month for most of us here. Probably the economy sucks a lot. Before, you could almost see light everywhere and anywhere, now its like the lights are not lit off as much since the electric bill have increased again. Its like you could feel everyone is rushing to finish this bad year for everyone of us. I dont know about the others but its been a "subtle" year for me, everyhting was routine and ordinary, i only enjoyed the exciting "changes", nearing the end of the year, now more i excited for the new year than christmas itself.

You could really feel the suffocation in the air, like everyone's breathing so hard and thinking what will happen next? the worst part is, its been raining a lot these past few days, and its making me lazy to go out. All im looking forward this holidays are the food of course, and especially the gifts, i dont know what i'll be getting this christmas, and im not actually not looking foward to it. I mean i've had that, and when u get older these things just seem to grow on you, wear off. I am more looking forward for the company of the oldfriends, relatives and of course my family. For the first time of my life, as being single on the holidays doesnt bother me at all, i mean of course im in a "good" state, but im more susceptible it, so who the fuck cares? hehehe.

I only have three wishes this christmas, and hope Santa gives it to me.. 1) a peaceful night with the people i love most,..2) receive the sweetest and most touching gift on christmas from someone i like and lastly, have an exceptionally, honest and fulfilling christmas and new year. hope nothing beats that.

"I am not I" - Juan Ramon Jimenez

I am not I
I am this one
Walking beside me whom I do not see
Whom at times I manage to visit
And at other times I forget.
The one who remains silent when I talk
The one who forgives, sweet, when I hate,
The one who takes a walk when I am indoors,
The one who will remain standing when I die.

Xmas Sober parTy

Yesterday, my highschool friends planned a xmas party complete with gift exchanging, a couple of the others didnt have time to show up and some were at work. But i did, and was absent from work. we went to 19 east really early like 6 pm, for the happy drinking hour, i drunk a couple of beers that by 9pm, i was feeling tipsy already, and worse the beer wasnt a good choice either (i really hate san mig light). Then we were joined by others, we preferred to drink outside where there's more air, and the view is better. I chatted with them, exchanged some gifts and i received a nice boracay inspired lamp, it was really nice, the best part is that it macthed the color of my room. I was headaches again last night probably due to over smoking, hehe. We had some coffee afterwards at Starbucks, and some sobered conversations. On the way home, as usual we had a near-end collision, thanks to john, we're still alive. Another year is ending and we were talking about how we were getting old because some of the guys were married. Of course, all i could ever think was, omigosh i 'm not even dating anyone.  

The VenUe

Redwitch ProJect

party gurls

Redwitch ProJect

one gorgeous babe

Redwitch ProJect

smiles!

Redwitch ProJect

Xchanged gifts

Redwitch ProJect

drinking buddies

Redwitch ProJect

KumaRehs

Redwitch ProJect

Xmas party at 19 east december 9'05

Redwitch ProJect

FuLL of BS

I didnt go to work today maybe because the i couldn't find the fucking charger last night and couldn't open my mobile phone, i slept late, or maybe because i was so pissed about something that i decided to stay home.

actually i wanted to pour it out at work but couldn't because there was no work. I don't know but its like something's delaying me from work. so i just had some lunch with my mom, slept in the afternoon and go out with a friend.

Its funny when you are so mad about something and you couldn't do anything about it. You want to tell someone about how hurt u are but u chose not to because u are afraid it might complicate things. Yet u just want to say aloud how stupid everyhting can get. You don't have anyone but urself.

I am going out today. for a smoke.

gooFing Around

I think this is the nice thing about having crazy friends over, you just do anything without thinking. I had friends come over the weekend and after some crazy conversations, we decided to take some pics of ourselves with flowers on our head, actually it was the flower belts that i bought, and we each had one on our heads, and pretended we were on a party.hehe. Tin and Beng are my old school friends, and my closest chidlhood friends. I can tell them anything and they know everything that's about me. Sometimes on weekends we just hang around, and have some beers and talk about the men we would like to kill.hehehe. Neverthless, i love having them around , they're like the sisters i have never had.=) 

Post flower party session

Redwitch ProJect

flower gurls

Redwitch ProJect

Wa's Bday and my post college syndrome

this weekend, i went to wa's bday in sta.rosa laguna. Its far south, although i was feeling tired and other of our friends cancelled out, i still had to go because i promised her i would and it was already pre-planned. So i did. I met roxie and nats, who were wa' s friends also in college and some other guys that lived there too.. The night was fun but a bit short, it was in the wee hours of morning and the guys were a bit loud (especially when i kept on opposing their opinions hehe). Of course, where there's binge drinking, there's a "debate" as always.

Amazing, after teqila, beers and finally rum, i was feeling like there must be an earthquake and i was getting snotty and over talkative, the state wherein i almost ask anything and say what i like. So we went home to wa's place and rested there till morning. I went home about 10 am. I enjoyed the night, eventhough not many people came, but still when rox and nats talked about the college days, it was like its happening again. I miss the college days, when i used to live in the dorm, i get to go out whenever i want to and go wherever i want, without anyone's permission. We used to drink all night long and talk till the wee hours of morning, eventhough we had classes the next day. Those were the days. The ultimately good rockin' days.

post drunk party session

Redwitch ProJect

i'm probably drunk

Redwitch ProJect

debate rematch

Redwitch ProJect

before the session

Redwitch ProJect

wonderwomans hehe

Redwitch ProJect

the super lolas

Redwitch ProJect

Children's hour

I attended my niece's and cousin's bday last weekend and even participated on a childrens' games, eventhough it wasn't entertaining at all, i still strived to enjoy it. and had a pleasant day with my relatives.

Sometimes, when you see the children have fun and play, it kinda makes u miss ur childhood when everything was not that complicated and u never take life seriously. There were so many children. I wanted to stay a little bit longer but had to go due to the fact that i was going to be late for work. damn.
 

watever tuesdays

I recently heard this on epitonic.com and they were good and i mean, the song "never the same", was good. its like elctronic hip rock and kind of ambient in a way. The website features indie music from all genres. I collect music like this usualy due to the fact it was recommended by a friend and influenced by as well. Besides its good to appreciate music by undiscovered talents rather than the ones commercially heard and sold.

I also liked other bands, like red delicious, azure ray and soultice, i guess? whatever. Today is tuesday and its like im feeling lazy about going to work. There's nothing to look forward to, except for the fact that payday is due on friday. Its lmy week passes by so fast and the days grew on much shorter. These days, i have had trouble sleeping and i don't know why. I also have been having these dreams.

Its been almost a years since then.. I am more happy now. But still undirected with plans. i have been thinking about things and i know there is so much to look forward to next year, so much. excited but terrified.

sanity by the thread

It was the birthday of two of my closest friends yesterday but i felt depressed. probably due to my absence in attending my gym sched, but i felt alone for the first time. I felt crying because its like life has stopped for me, and there's no room for change or growth like im trapped in this. Then i thought about the other people who were single like me, maybe they also thought about this. Its just that sometimes, lifes fucking hard, and u get used to being single that every body can ask u for something or tell their life or problems to you, but in the end, you always have no one to tell your own stories too. its like life left u hanging at one point and ur sanity hangs by the edge.

There's this italian guy who emails me, for almost a month now, he's articulate and he's nice. primarily because he's a lawyer. we talk about lots of things, that even i dont know where to start. He likes to cook and we share the same taste in music. There even was a time when we both sent the same song from the same artist, which was quite weird coz the artist was not common (Zero 7). He talks about his day and his weekend, and i talk about mine, my friends and manila. Sometimes, my emails are just too long and probably irritating for him, but at least it keeps you waiting. My friends told me that this may be a good thing but im not sure, because, we arent really in that kind of thing .. or so to speak..besides, we're just friends and i think there's more to this guy than what he tells about in the email, and he has not told me why he' still single at the age of 30 or quite directly, we were just both assuming our lives. and we will see where this goes to or it might just end early on if he loses his patience with a nutcase like me.

I am off to work today and i hate it, im quite tired but may be i'll just try and cope with it.

EmiLy RoSe

EmiLy Rose

From her birth on the 21st of September, 1952, Anneliese Michel
enjoyed the life of a normal, religiously nurtured young girl. Without warning,
her life changed on a day in 1968 when she began shaking and found she was
unable to control her body. She could not call out for her parents, Josef and
Anna, or any of her 3 sisters. A neurologist at the Psychiatric Clinic Wurzburg
diagnosed her with "Grand Mal" epilepsy. Because of the strength of the
epileptic fits, and the severity of the depression that followed, Anneliese was
admitted for treatment at the hospital.
Soon after the attacks began,
Anneliese started seeing devilish grimaces during her daily praying. It was the
fall of 1970, and while the young people of the world were enjoying the liberal
freedoms of the time, Anneliese was battling with the belief that she was
possessed. It seemed there was no other explanation for the appearance of
devilish visions during her prayers. Voices also began following her, saying
Anneliese will "stew in hell". She mentioned the "demons" to the doctors only
once, explaining that they have started to give her orders. The doctors seem
unable to help, and Anneliese lost hope that medicine was going to be able to
cure her.
In the summer of 1973, her parents visited different pastors to
request an exorcism. Their requests were rejected and they were given
recommendations that the now 20 year old Anneliese should continue with
medication and treatment. It was explained that the process by which the Church
proves a possession (Infestatio) is strictly defined, and until all the
criterion is met, a Bishop can not approve an exorcism. The requirements, to
name a few, include an aversion to religious objects, speaking in a language the
person has never learned, and supernatural powers.
In 1974, after supervising
Anneliese for some time, Pastor Ernst Alt requested a permit to perform the
exorcism from the Bishop of Wurzburg. The request was rejected, and a
recommendation soon followed saying that Anneliese should live even more of a
religious lifestyle in order to find peace. The attacks did not diminish, and
her behavior become more erratic. At her parents' house in Klingenberg, she
insulted, beat, and began biting the other members of her family. She refused to
eat because the demons would not allow it. Anneliese slept on the stone floor,
ate spiders, flies, and coal, and even began drinking her own urine. She could
be heard screaming throughout the house for hours while breaking crucifixes,
destroying paintings of Jesus, and pulling apart rosaries. Anneliese began
committing acts of self-mutilation at this time, and the act of tearing off her
clothes and urinating on the floor became commonplace.
After making an
exact verification of the possession in September 1975, the Bishop of Wurzburg,
Josef Stangl, assigned Father Arnold Renz and Pastor Ernst Alt with the order to
perform "The Great Exorcism" on Anneliese Michel. The basis for this ritual was
the "Rituale Romanum", which was still, at the time, a valid Cannon Law from the
17th century. It was determined that Anneliese must be saved from the possession
by several demons, including Lucifer, Judas Iscariot, Nero, Cain, Hitler, and
Fleischmann, a disgraced Frankish Priest from the 16th century, and some other
damned souls which had manifested through her. From September '75 until July
'76, one or two exorcism sessions were held each week. Anneliese's attacks were
sometimes so strong that she would have to be held down by 3 men, or even
chained up. During this time, Anneliese found her life somewhat return to normal
as she could again go to school, take final examinations at the Pedagogic
Academy in Wurzburg, and go to church.
The attacks, however, did not stop.
In fact, she would more often find herself paralyzed and falling unconscious
than before. The exorcism continued over many months, always with the same
prayers and incantations. Sometimes family members and visitors, like one
married couple that claims to have "discovered" Anneliese, would be present
during the rituals. For several weeks, Anneliese denied all food. Her knees
ruptured due to the 600 genuflections she performed obsessively during the daily
exorcism. Over 40 audio tapes record the process, in order to preserve the
details.
The last day of the Exorcism Rite was on June 30th, 1976, and
Anneliese was suffering at this point from Pneumonia. She was also totally
emaciated, and running a high fever. Exhausted and unable to physically perform
the genuflections herself, her parents stood in and helped carry her through the
motions. "Beg for Absolution" is the last statement Anneliese made to the
exorcists. To her mother, she said, "Mother, I'm afraid." Anna Michel recorded
the death of her daughter on the following day, July 1st, 1976, and at noon,
Pastor Ernst Alt informed the authorities in Aschaffenburg. The senior
prosecutor began investigating immediately.
A short time before these final
events unfolded, William Friedkin's "The Exorcist" (1974) came to the cinemas in
Germany, bringing with it a wave of paranormal hysteria that flooded the nation.
Psychiatrists all over Europe reported an increase of obsessive ideas among
their patients. Prosecutors took more than 2 years to to take Annaliese's case
to court, using that time to sort through the bizarre facts. Anneliese's parents
and the two exorcists were accused of negligent homocide. The "Klingenberg Case"
would be decided upon two questions: What caused the death of Anneliese
Michel, and who was responsible?
According the forensic evidence, "Anneliese
starved to death". Specialists claimed that if the accused would have begun
with forced feeding one week before her death, Anneliese's life would have been
saved. One sister told the court that Anneliese did not want to go to a mental
home where she would be sedated and forced to eat. The exorcists tried to prove
the presence of the demons, playing taped recordings of strange dialogues like
that of two demons arguing about which one of them would have to leave
Anneliese's body first. One of the demons called himself Hitler, and spoke with
a Frankish accent (Hitler was born in Austria). Not one of those present
during the exorcism ever had a doubt about the authenticity of the presence of
these demons.
The psychiatrists, whom had been ordered to testify by the
court, spoke about the "Doctrinaire Induction". They said that the priests had
provided Anneliese with the contents of her psychotic behavior. Consequentially,
they claimed, she later accepted her behavior as a form of demonic possession.
They also offered that Anneliese's unsettled sexual development, along with her
diagnosed Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, had influenced the psychosis.
The verdict
was considered by many as not as harsh as they expected. Anneliese's parents, as
well as the exorcists, were found guilty of manslaughter resulting from
negligence and omitting first aid. They were sentenced to 6 months in jail and
probation. The verdict included the opinion of the court that the accused should
have helped by taking care of the medical treatment that the girl needed, but
instead, their use of naive practices aggrivated Anneliese's already poor
constitution.
A commission of the German Bishop-Conference later declared
that Anneliese Michel was not possessed, however, this did not keep believers
from supporting her struggles, and it was because so many believed in her
that Anneliese's body did not find peace with death. Her corpse was exhumed
eleven and a half years after her burial, only to confirm that it had decayed as
would have been expected under normal circumstances. Today, her grave remains a
place of pilgrimage for rosary-praying and for those who believe that Anneliese
Michel bravely fought the devil.
In 1999, Cardinal Medina Estevez presented
journalists in Vatican-City the new version of the "Rituale Romanum" that has
been used by the Catholic Church since 1614. The updates came after more than 10
years of editing and is called "De exorcismis et supplicationibus quibusdam"
otherwise known as "The exorcism for the upcoming millennium". The Pope
approbated the new Exorcism Rite, which is now allowed for worldwide use. This
new form of exorcism came after the German Bishop-Conference demanded to
ultimately abolish the "Rituale Romun". It also came more than 20 years after
Anneliese Michel had died.

just wacthed the movie "Exorcism of Emily Rose and i also posted the apparent true story. Well actually, its not that the movie was really horrifying, the fact that its based on true story, and its about possession. Gives me the ultimate chills. I have my own beliefs. I belive in the unknown, and think they do exist, because if some call it psychotic state. or whatever scientific, i think the human mind has its own limits. There are things that is beyond us and no matter how doctors and evryone try to explain it, its practically vague. There various explanations in the movie that opens and just blows your mind. There this scene where the priest tells that he and emily rose smelled burning and woke up at 3am. He xplains that 3 am is the witching hour, because 3pm is the time the Lord prayed, but the demons mock it ,and inversion is 3 am. The other scene is where an anthroplogist explaining possession in a scientific view, says that the reason was Emily Rose was possessed was because she was "hypersensitive" born rare, meaning she is drawn to the occult, she can see visions or the unknown can communicate to her. This movie opened my mind and i can say i should pray more.

Mom-Sis

This is my mom, we went out last saturday night with my two bros. My plans for the weekend did not turn out, so i opted to go out with them with no choice hehe.

Neverthless, although sometimes i do feel like im so bonded with my mom or sometimes, i am usually seen with her, i dnt really care because, she's the only one i can trust of course besides my friends, but i do feel that i can talk to her, of course usually not with most of the things but she is pretty cool actually. Sometimes, she just gets into me becaue she has these hormonal outbursts, but then again i always remember she is getting old,and me hvaing no sister, she has been both to me. We do have different tastes, especially in music, (belive me!), but we both like eat and go out. Most of my friends really like her a lot, because she's funny and animated. hehe 

My favorite Regret

Will you be my favorite regret?
Could I be your sweetest mistake?
Trade one step back for two ahead
Just a little time that's all
Don't be afraid to fall
This catch I won't forget
My favorite regret
Won't you let me chip away the stone?
Are you really better off alone?
Won't you let your guard down one more
Just like I've done mine
We'll look until find something neither will forget
My favorite regret
Will you be my favorite regret?
Cut the strings attached but save the thread
I know your feelings are probably right
But just this once tonight as you lay in your bed
Place a little on this bet
My favorite regret

_________

I just found out recently that this was sung by a boston indie band, GiGolo Aunts, it took almost a year for me to find this song and who sang it. This one nice song was played on a local radio here, and since that day, i have been meaning to know who sang it.

The lyrics are elusively moving and im dedicating it to my favorite regrets.

eleven minutes

i just finished reading Paulo Coelho's Eleven Minutes, here are some of my favorite excerpts:


when we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the wholeuniverse is on our side. I saw this happen today as the sun went down.Andyet, if something goes wrong, there is nothing left! No herons, nodistantmusic, not even the taste of his lips. How is it possible forbeauty thatwas there only minutes before to vanish soquickly?Life moves very fast. It rushes us from heaven tohell in the matterof seconds

all my life, i thought of love as some kind of voluntaryenslavement. well, that's a lie: freedom only exists when love ispresent. The person who gives him ot herself wholly, the person who feelsfreest, is the person who loves most wholeheartedly.
and the person who loves wholeheartedly feels free.

That is why, regardless of what i might experience, do or learn , nothingmakes sense. I hope this time passes quickly, so that i can resume mysearch for myself - in the form of a man who understands me and does not make mesuffer.
But what am i saying? in love, no one can harm anyone else; we are eachof us responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what wefeel
It hurt when i lost each of the various men i fell in love with, Now,though, i am convinced that no one loses anyone, because NO ONE OWNSANYONE.
That is the true experience of freedom: having the most importantthing in the world without owning it.
_____________________
Actually i wanted to quote the rest of the book, but typing it would be a burden. I love it, the books speaks of intelligence combined with sexiness flare. I could really relate to the main character of the book, Maria, she is intelligent as well as probably gorgeous (hehe), but seriously i could relate to most of her beliefs and goals in life. especially her perception of love itself as well as sex. The book may have some graphic descriptions of sex and sensuality but it has gone beyond that, the analyzation of more than just sex, love and pain is just so deep. I mean honestly, i can hardly relate but it just moved me and blew my mind, as to how Paulo views love and sex. It was just so intellectually researched as well as opened new beliefs in me. I recommend this to all women and men, it has dug deep to the true and possible inetellectual meaning of love, passion and sexuality. ..sexy but with real sense.

Pre-HoLiDay yearNinG

Omigod i have not rested for days and now i have to go work with only 3 to4 hours of sleep. How the hell am i going to stay awake? coffee and what?

Lately, i have been pretty much busy, thinking of many things. The Holidays are nearing and i dont know where to start, the stores and small shops are gearing low prices so soon.. i do not know how my holidays are going to be, but before that there is going to be Halloween of course, which seem a rather unforgettable occasion for me.

Holidays here in manila, become very obvious for many reasons, for one, the traffics are piling up and getting pretty much horrendous, its the season where all the beggars come out and snatchers come all places, you see all the MMDAs in every corner, and every child u see reminds you of all ur godsons and goddaughters that u will be giving gifts with.

Hehe, but apart from all that, i really wish this holidays that i' d really enjoy it,for once. I mean christmas here is far different from all the places in the world, and u could really have fun. everyone is so nice. I want to really feel it this year, besides everything that has happened, its my only consolation for happiness.

WiTches of NortH BounDs

Just kidding, (L-R) my mom, cousin, aunt mamasun, and aunt thelma, who cooked the tastiest foods. one of which is dinakdakan, a kapampangan recipe, same as the sizzling sisig but only with mayonnaises somewhat raw.
 

my fave cousin ate weng

Redwitch ProJect

my ugly brother, cousin and her friends

Redwitch ProJect

my cousin's showbiz friend, Lovely and ,me

Redwitch ProJect

our qc plaCE

Redwitch ProJect

sunDay QC

we went to QC yesterday, our relative's place , where there was a special gathering for my uncle and my cousins, i brought saSSY, MY dog.. who actually did not enjoyed it there because she was probably dizzy from all the people who were groping her and saying how cute she was.

I entertained my cousin's visitors, most of whom who were college peeps in their 20's, who were quite quiet but after i served them a "little bit" of wine, showed their natural persona, hehe so much for the boost.

i was so tired and sleepy all through the day probably because i did not get any sleep. 

so be it

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch.
The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken, opinionated and determined.
I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed.
And if that makes me a bitch , so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

soulmate insight #one

I'm more busy nowadays. Not only because of work, but i do go to the gym now, for health and personal reasons i must say hehe. I am not health buff actually but strangely, i enjoy working out. i feel good and i seldom feel tired. my posture was better and i could walk for hours. Although i still smoke and drink, it more of "the little pleasures in life". I think better and do not at all feel stressed.
I guess for a single person like me, being updated and independent as well as keeping healthy is important. I mean i have only myself to think of. But for past few weeks, i am more concerned with others. I mean, i listen to them more, go out with my mom more, mingle with old friends, because i realized that if i am going to be for some time, i'd better practice it. I have to be more flexibile, responsible and interesting. I have learned to appreaciate people better and understand them more, cause in this life, i would be meeting people of all kinds, most them might be worse or probably better. I'll probably end this year without dating anyone hhehe. But its okay, im quite contented and brought my own inner peace back. If somebody comes along, then it is good. But maybe it would take some time for me to really get into someone, i just feel like everytime i fall for a guy, i miss half of my life, hehe pretty weird actually. i want to meet someone who would discover life with me and someone, i would never get tired of talking to.

Waiting game

the other night i was watching this episode on the local channel, it tells a story of two lovers, dating back the old years when the chinese locals are deported back to their country because of illegal entry here in manila.

The girl was a son of a chinese man who went to manila to have his own his business as well as to bring his family but at that time, china had a poor economy, so he was forced to marry his only chinese daughter to the son of a local farmer, just to make sure that the authorities would nt deport his daughter back to chine because of illegal entry. at first the farmer's son was much hesistant, because he did not want to get married yet, and especially to a chinese gurl, but along the way, they both fall in love despite cultural differences. The best part was when, the chinese gurl met her ex-bf who was a chinese guy, who went to manila to fetch her. the two lovers were running from the authorities. but in the end, they both gave up. The chinese gurl who loved her husband dearly pleaded her ex, not to imprison the farmer's son so that she would abide by his wishes. The farmer's son, was so sad about what happened to his loved one, that he never married again and waiting almost his whole life, hoping that love would find him too. But much to his disasppointmnet, the gurl who was now an old woman, died before he could even see her, but truth was told that he had a daughter with her, who tried to find him.

I cried in the end, because i know that it would be painful enough to be left by someone you love, but rather mcuh more worse to wait for someone you whole life. I could not bear that. I think that is bull. hehe. Its just so, unrealistic. I mean it would be really hard to wait on someone, its not pride or anything, but we only need to move on somehow. Life will never have to stand still on someone. That is my biggest fear actually, to wait on someone, and find yourself still inlove with the same person. It would be really, really absurd. why take a person back, when he/she just made a fool out of you ur entire life. i mean, why now? i could never understand the logic of waiting for somebody, i mean what for? If life does go on, then it would really hard not to bump on that someone along the way.

I am not always this bitchy but things do happen for a reason. alot of questions are elft unanswered in this life.. let them be.