Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Pre-HoLiDay yearNinG
Omigod i have not rested for days and now i have to go work with only 3 to4 hours of sleep. How the hell am i going to stay awake? coffee and what?
Lately, i have been pretty much busy, thinking of many things. The Holidays are nearing and i dont know where to start, the stores and small shops are gearing low prices so soon.. i do not know how my holidays are going to be, but before that there is going to be Halloween of course, which seem a rather unforgettable occasion for me.
Holidays here in manila, become very obvious for many reasons, for one, the traffics are piling up and getting pretty much horrendous, its the season where all the beggars come out and snatchers come all places, you see all the MMDAs in every corner, and every child u see reminds you of all ur godsons and goddaughters that u will be giving gifts with.
Hehe, but apart from all that, i really wish this holidays that i' d really enjoy it,for once. I mean christmas here is far different from all the places in the world, and u could really have fun. everyone is so nice. I want to really feel it this year, besides everything that has happened, its my only consolation for happiness.
Monday, October 24, 2005
WiTches of NortH BounDs
Just kidding, (L-R) my mom, cousin, aunt mamasun, and aunt thelma, who cooked the tastiest foods. one of which is dinakdakan, a kapampangan recipe, same as the sizzling sisig but only with mayonnaises somewhat raw.
sunDay QC
we went to QC yesterday, our relative's place , where there was a special gathering for my uncle and my cousins, i brought saSSY, MY dog.. who actually did not enjoyed it there because she was probably dizzy from all the people who were groping her and saying how cute she was. I entertained my cousin's visitors, most of whom who were college peeps in their 20's, who were quite quiet but after i served them a "little bit" of wine, showed their natural persona, hehe so much for the boost.
i was so tired and sleepy all through the day probably because i did not get any sleep.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
so be it
When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.
Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch.
The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken, opinionated and determined.
I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed.
And if that makes me a bitch , so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.
Monday, October 17, 2005
soulmate insight #one
I'm more busy nowadays. Not only because of work, but i do go to the gym now, for health and personal reasons i must say hehe. I am not health buff actually but strangely, i enjoy working out. i feel good and i seldom feel tired. my posture was better and i could walk for hours. Although i still smoke and drink, it more of "the little pleasures in life". I think better and do not at all feel stressed.
I guess for a single person like me, being updated and independent as well as keeping healthy is important. I mean i have only myself to think of. But for past few weeks, i am more concerned with others. I mean, i listen to them more, go out with my mom more, mingle with old friends, because i realized that if i am going to be for some time, i'd better practice it. I have to be more flexibile, responsible and interesting. I have learned to appreaciate people better and understand them more, cause in this life, i would be meeting people of all kinds, most them might be worse or probably better. I'll probably end this year without dating anyone hhehe. But its okay, im quite contented and brought my own inner peace back. If somebody comes along, then it is good. But maybe it would take some time for me to really get into someone, i just feel like everytime i fall for a guy, i miss half of my life, hehe pretty weird actually. i want to meet someone who would discover life with me and someone, i would never get tired of talking to.
I guess for a single person like me, being updated and independent as well as keeping healthy is important. I mean i have only myself to think of. But for past few weeks, i am more concerned with others. I mean, i listen to them more, go out with my mom more, mingle with old friends, because i realized that if i am going to be for some time, i'd better practice it. I have to be more flexibile, responsible and interesting. I have learned to appreaciate people better and understand them more, cause in this life, i would be meeting people of all kinds, most them might be worse or probably better. I'll probably end this year without dating anyone hhehe. But its okay, im quite contented and brought my own inner peace back. If somebody comes along, then it is good. But maybe it would take some time for me to really get into someone, i just feel like everytime i fall for a guy, i miss half of my life, hehe pretty weird actually. i want to meet someone who would discover life with me and someone, i would never get tired of talking to.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Waiting game
the other night i was watching this episode on the local channel, it tells a story of two lovers, dating back the old years when the chinese locals are deported back to their country because of illegal entry here in manila.
The girl was a son of a chinese man who went to manila to have his own his business as well as to bring his family but at that time, china had a poor economy, so he was forced to marry his only chinese daughter to the son of a local farmer, just to make sure that the authorities would nt deport his daughter back to chine because of illegal entry. at first the farmer's son was much hesistant, because he did not want to get married yet, and especially to a chinese gurl, but along the way, they both fall in love despite cultural differences. The best part was when, the chinese gurl met her ex-bf who was a chinese guy, who went to manila to fetch her. the two lovers were running from the authorities. but in the end, they both gave up. The chinese gurl who loved her husband dearly pleaded her ex, not to imprison the farmer's son so that she would abide by his wishes. The farmer's son, was so sad about what happened to his loved one, that he never married again and waiting almost his whole life, hoping that love would find him too. But much to his disasppointmnet, the gurl who was now an old woman, died before he could even see her, but truth was told that he had a daughter with her, who tried to find him.
I cried in the end, because i know that it would be painful enough to be left by someone you love, but rather mcuh more worse to wait for someone you whole life. I could not bear that. I think that is bull. hehe. Its just so, unrealistic. I mean it would be really hard to wait on someone, its not pride or anything, but we only need to move on somehow. Life will never have to stand still on someone. That is my biggest fear actually, to wait on someone, and find yourself still inlove with the same person. It would be really, really absurd. why take a person back, when he/she just made a fool out of you ur entire life. i mean, why now? i could never understand the logic of waiting for somebody, i mean what for? If life does go on, then it would really hard not to bump on that someone along the way.
I am not always this bitchy but things do happen for a reason. alot of questions are elft unanswered in this life.. let them be.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
"closure"
Sassy and me
A beautiful excerpt from a favorite author:
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end . if we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the hapiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatver name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished...
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, when we try to understand the things that happen to us... things pass and the best we can do is to let them really go away...
That is why it is so important (however painful it may be) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of the memories also means making some room for other memories to take place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promiseed but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could not live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
"CLOSING CYCLES - Paulo Coelho"
_________________________________
maybe it is foolish to wait for the right time to let go..maybe the time should be now. I have cradled this bitterness long enough to drown myself into my sublime loneliness..i have not realized that it was killing me emotionally. the nights that there was only one person in my mind, was thoroughly depressing . maybe we all come to a point where we feel that nobody really cares, if you are waiting or not, if you are crying or not, or if it hurts or not.. i think i have begun to stop and think that this is over and i need to breathe.
A beautiful excerpt from a favorite author:
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end . if we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the hapiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatver name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished...
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, when we try to understand the things that happen to us... things pass and the best we can do is to let them really go away...
That is why it is so important (however painful it may be) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of the memories also means making some room for other memories to take place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promiseed but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could not live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or
arrogance, but simply because...that No longer fits your life, shut the door,
change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you
were and .. be into, who you are.
"CLOSING CYCLES - Paulo Coelho"
_________________________________
maybe it is foolish to wait for the right time to let go..maybe the time should be now. I have cradled this bitterness long enough to drown myself into my sublime loneliness..i have not realized that it was killing me emotionally. the nights that there was only one person in my mind, was thoroughly depressing . maybe we all come to a point where we feel that nobody really cares, if you are waiting or not, if you are crying or not, or if it hurts or not.. i think i have begun to stop and think that this is over and i need to breathe.
Touched and taken
Taken
i just finished watching TAKEN in vcd, the complete tv series. I was really in awe. Great direction, superb storyline and bunch of outstanding actors, makes a magnificent tv series. It was really great, i could not stop watching. the story travelled in three generations based on UFO sighting and abduction facts, issues ranging from the 1940's to the present. It involved life , faith and love. I was crying towards the last episode. It had a good narration and its beliefs were really touching. It was not like the other sci-fi movies where it would be really difficult to relate with reality, it was life-based, based on our emotions, make us all the more aware of what we are and what we are capable of.. I like the last tagline where Dakota Fanning narrates.. that
Hail to the story, and the direction, by Steven Speilberg..this one is geniously made. molded by human morals and beliefs. I have always belived that our compassion is what makes us different from other species. I like this tv series, because it depicts humanity, our fears and the things that we do in order to get what we want. the things that we are afraid to let go because it would break our hearts. TAKEN, is the best one to show all of that. The story line deserved an award, the way the generations were intertwined and related.. It would not seem liked the cheesy sci-fi, it beyond that. I have high praises for these. These kind of movies or tv series, are great.. This reminds us of being human and feeling it.
i just finished watching TAKEN in vcd, the complete tv series. I was really in awe. Great direction, superb storyline and bunch of outstanding actors, makes a magnificent tv series. It was really great, i could not stop watching. the story travelled in three generations based on UFO sighting and abduction facts, issues ranging from the 1940's to the present. It involved life , faith and love. I was crying towards the last episode. It had a good narration and its beliefs were really touching. It was not like the other sci-fi movies where it would be really difficult to relate with reality, it was life-based, based on our emotions, make us all the more aware of what we are and what we are capable of.. I like the last tagline where Dakota Fanning narrates.. that
Life is all about asking
a lot of questions, it is not about finding and knowing all the answers...
Hail to the story, and the direction, by Steven Speilberg..this one is geniously made. molded by human morals and beliefs. I have always belived that our compassion is what makes us different from other species. I like this tv series, because it depicts humanity, our fears and the things that we do in order to get what we want. the things that we are afraid to let go because it would break our hearts. TAKEN, is the best one to show all of that. The story line deserved an award, the way the generations were intertwined and related.. It would not seem liked the cheesy sci-fi, it beyond that. I have high praises for these. These kind of movies or tv series, are great.. This reminds us of being human and feeling it.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Calling the Sun, moon and stars
I plan on going to galera this weekend with some good friends. I just wanted to get some off of work, a place where there's no buildings, public transpos, smoke-belching buses and annoying authorities. Sometimes life the city can get so tiring, and apart from all , one just has to take a break. I am praying hard the weather would get well, this weekend.. I just hope it would.
I really love the new song of gwen stefani, it depicts about exes. The lyrics are good and so is the tune. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, maybe this what happens when you are so bored and so stressed, whichever.hehe. I really need to get a real job, a job that really pays good.. a job where i can really help the people i love, i am not contented at just being single and not being able to help anyone. Sometimes, some people are not just satisfied. I reall do want to travel. See more people. I am not running from something, or maybe i am, but a complete change may do me good, and might make my life be more easier. I am tired of thinking of somebody, who is never going to be there for me, and will only be just breaking my heart more. I need someone real.
Anyway enough about that. I am calling all the stars and moon to come out tonight and may the sun shine brightly tomorrow morning. Please oh please. I just want a taste of the beach this weekend. Relax a little and enjoy the breeze. make the rain come back next week.
I really love the new song of gwen stefani, it depicts about exes. The lyrics are good and so is the tune. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, maybe this what happens when you are so bored and so stressed, whichever.hehe. I really need to get a real job, a job that really pays good.. a job where i can really help the people i love, i am not contented at just being single and not being able to help anyone. Sometimes, some people are not just satisfied. I reall do want to travel. See more people. I am not running from something, or maybe i am, but a complete change may do me good, and might make my life be more easier. I am tired of thinking of somebody, who is never going to be there for me, and will only be just breaking my heart more. I need someone real.
Anyway enough about that. I am calling all the stars and moon to come out tonight and may the sun shine brightly tomorrow morning. Please oh please. I just want a taste of the beach this weekend. Relax a little and enjoy the breeze. make the rain come back next week.
Friday, September 16, 2005
From raining to cooking
DroPS of JupiTer
it has been raining since last night and all i could do is just sit and stare outside. I still do not feel well that i did not go to work last night. this cold weather seems to suck up on me, i do not have the strength to go out, well at least i am not making this up, or am i? hehe..Nope, my head feels big and have a huge cold, even my voice is quite huskier and more man-like , like i am metamorphisizing (watever) into a monster. i hate it when i am stuck at home like this, i get all this memories coming back and i get to think more. i hate that. I hate having to go through all the choices that i have made, all the people i cared about before and just everything that i just vehemently denied.
Sometimes, you think beneath all the fun you always have, i still come home and have this emptiness inside me. you dnt know if you are missing something or you are running away from it. worse, you never know which is which. Sometimes, its tiring to be single, people expect you to be happy all the time, friends make you date pathetic men, ur gurl friends always ask you for some relationship advice when you are the one who is unattached, i do not have any right to make an excuse not to go out or hang out with friends (well i get bored too, hello?) and they think ur lovelife sucks big time. well i think so too. its the one department i am not really good at, although i have learned a lot.
i was watching the discovery channel a while ago, and there was this guy who was cooking dinner for his sister's friends. His recipes, were really good and i enjoyed watching it and maybe even planning of doing something like that. when his sister's friends arrived they had wine, and had some singing with him. It was funny, because he was the only guy and serving the gurls with great food. I like the recipes he made, the homemade bread, pie, salmon..it was fast. I like men who can cook, but i really admire men who can cook creatively and passionately. I love cooking, but i am not the traditional type, i cook for special occasions only. because the food that i cook is made for international taste , specifically made for special people only. Only my closest friends know my passion for cooking and that signature taste that i only make. One friend, even told me that i should open a resto someday, maybe i will but i will need more experience and training of cooking exotic foods. maybe someday, i will pursue my passion for it but then i have a passion for everything, it would be hard which would go first.. painting, photography or cooking??
it has been raining since last night and all i could do is just sit and stare outside. I still do not feel well that i did not go to work last night. this cold weather seems to suck up on me, i do not have the strength to go out, well at least i am not making this up, or am i? hehe..Nope, my head feels big and have a huge cold, even my voice is quite huskier and more man-like , like i am metamorphisizing (watever) into a monster. i hate it when i am stuck at home like this, i get all this memories coming back and i get to think more. i hate that. I hate having to go through all the choices that i have made, all the people i cared about before and just everything that i just vehemently denied.
Sometimes, you think beneath all the fun you always have, i still come home and have this emptiness inside me. you dnt know if you are missing something or you are running away from it. worse, you never know which is which. Sometimes, its tiring to be single, people expect you to be happy all the time, friends make you date pathetic men, ur gurl friends always ask you for some relationship advice when you are the one who is unattached, i do not have any right to make an excuse not to go out or hang out with friends (well i get bored too, hello?) and they think ur lovelife sucks big time. well i think so too. its the one department i am not really good at, although i have learned a lot.
i was watching the discovery channel a while ago, and there was this guy who was cooking dinner for his sister's friends. His recipes, were really good and i enjoyed watching it and maybe even planning of doing something like that. when his sister's friends arrived they had wine, and had some singing with him. It was funny, because he was the only guy and serving the gurls with great food. I like the recipes he made, the homemade bread, pie, salmon..it was fast. I like men who can cook, but i really admire men who can cook creatively and passionately. I love cooking, but i am not the traditional type, i cook for special occasions only. because the food that i cook is made for international taste , specifically made for special people only. Only my closest friends know my passion for cooking and that signature taste that i only make. One friend, even told me that i should open a resto someday, maybe i will but i will need more experience and training of cooking exotic foods. maybe someday, i will pursue my passion for it but then i have a passion for everything, it would be hard which would go first.. painting, photography or cooking??
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Im not drunk, Im Trying to point here, hehe
last saturday, i had the weekend planned to have some drinks with my officemates, and boy was i drunk hehe. I had fun, though it would have been better if the night would have more longer and i could have stayed. we drank some vodka and beer, and of course we had some "logical" talks about life, love, men , women and sex.. hehe I savor those moments when you could just loosen up, have fun and talk more. It heightens the mind, for me i get to know more people, learn from their opinions, and talk about topics that most people never wanted to talk about. You bond friendships and you laugh more. This life.. this is the single life.
last saturday, i had the weekend planned to have some drinks with my officemates, and boy was i drunk hehe. I had fun, though it would have been better if the night would have more longer and i could have stayed. we drank some vodka and beer, and of course we had some "logical" talks about life, love, men , women and sex.. hehe I savor those moments when you could just loosen up, have fun and talk more. It heightens the mind, for me i get to know more people, learn from their opinions, and talk about topics that most people never wanted to talk about. You bond friendships and you laugh more. This life.. this is the single life.
Melancholyzed
when does one say..this is the point where you forget the person who caused you heartaches and pain? when do you say, that you've stopped thinking about the guy? when do you say, it is enough being a fool? when does the waiting end? when do you stop crying at night? when do you stop looking?....I fought with my heart a lot of times, but this one seems to struggle for long. You can never go through a wall that has been built since..I believed i have moved, but the heart does not seem to think so. I go through pains of forgetting evrything but at the end of each day, you only think of one person. Is he happy? does he think of you? does he care?.. the mind says, the answers are useless, yet one seems to be numb as well as dumb, still. at the back of your mind.. you wait. why? what for? i don't know. Why does it feel like evnthough you have the grip of reality altogether, still you don't seem to understand, what you have already seen or heard. I have accepted all facts, even the painful ones. When does the pain end and when does the sadness stops.
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