so cracked

"The lives we lead today are longer than those of our parents, but more hectic. I can't imagine the world, my kids will inherit when they are my age. It frightens me. Our culture is just like the junk food we live on: It fills you up without the distracting burden of nourishment. An average person exposed to television, movies and magazines is overwhelmed by messages that arouse, stimulate and suggest that the answer to all problems is the same: gratification. Have a beer, take a pill, roll on the deodorant, get a whopper, just do it."

..Human beings feel best when they're spending time face to face, particularly in times of adversity or when they're feeling threatened. if nothing else, we learned that from September 11. We define ourselves by the way we relate to other people. We get deep, lasting and meaningful satisfaction from giving selflessly to and being present with, others. We develop trust. We feel better about ourselves and our world. This is what we've forgotten: Our decisions should be made on the basis of what's most healthy, not what will satisfy me the quickest. Live with integrity and a clear sense of right and wrong. Consider consequences. Listen to the inner voice of your instinct as carefully as a doctor checks your heartbeat. This is what I wish, we all knew to do.

..I'm saying that I don't think happiness should be the goal...
Mental health is defined by one's ability to be fully present and integrated in reality. Of course, that reality may not always be happy. There might be negative experiences. In fact, there will be negative experiences, days that are downright crappy, moments or even years so painful you'll ask why such shit is happening to you. But if you are mentally healthy, you will be able to tolerate such experiences, regulate your emotions. And in the end, you will be nourished by something more real than merely "feeling good".

- Dr. Drew Pinsky, "Cracked"

wicked witch of the south

HAPPY HALLOWEEN PEEPS!

i attended a special halloween party for special kids..as soon as i get my pictures right, ill post everything.

so what makes me a witch?

1. I would love to cook.. small kids..they're so cute to eat.

2. I would love to turn mischievous men into frogs.. so they can croak all they want..

3. I would love to turn all corrupt politicians into pigs.. so they'll know what rotten life they should have

4. I would love to turn everything i touch into chocolates..hmmm... yummy!

5. I would love to cast a spell for the guy i like, so he'll treat me like a princess for the rest of my life. hehe

Jump!

There are many things in this so-called life, that most people fail to appreciate..or sometime forget to see.. the simplicity of the best moments itself.

Seeing through the heartaches, the failures and the unending disappointments, as well as catching a smile after a horrible day..

its what matters..i guess. not really the tears u have made.. but actually the laughter u have shared with the people close to u.

i think its what memorable moments are made of.

lessons from the young heart

"it is only with the heart that one can see rightly...what is essential is invisible to the eye"

- what the fox said to the little prince..

and another favorite line..

"it is the time that you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

I have read the little prince when i was young..too young to understand the parable..but now, I'm all grown up.. I understand it far more better.

Love is indeed the most exquisite thing in this world, far more precious than all the diamonds in this world. Grown-ups have forgotten about it. Grown-ups have forgotten how simple life is supposed to be..we surround ourselves with facts and numbers.. yet we don't understand how to live our life. Our beliefs are twisted by the modern era.. we have stopped believing in dreams.. its always the real thing for us..but I guess I also forgot, how simple love was.

I wish to be loved like the little prince loved his flower.."the rose".

".. because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled or boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing..because she is my rose.."

At the end of a busy day, I wish to be loved so truthfully and with all honesty.. Someone u can just fully trust your heart and have a quiet moment with..apart from all the physical things.. someone u can just trust your heart with.. somebody who loves u..without doubts..and without questions..so unconditionally.

secret love

If i had a secret lover in music..it would be jazz. something personal..something mine and no one for the taking.

For the last 4 weeks, i was busy downloading Jazz stuff..from all the jazz artists..to the international ones..for every jazz instrument..

a stream of jazz artists as well as bossanova music, like chet baker, charlie parker, Al Hirt., Sonny Stitt, Sonny Rollins, Stan Getz, stephanie Grappelli, Arturo Sandoval, Coleman Hawkins, Herbie mann, miles davis, quincy jones, benny green, benny golson, Dizzy Gillespie, Art Blakey, even.. Joao Gilberto (the father of bossa) etc..

Its a different feeling..a taste of relaxation..a sudden twist into another place and another world. No words can describe, how it satisfies me. Jazz, is a secret love for me.. because in my generation of friends, nobody really is that passionate about jazz..the strings, the drums..the sax..the guitars..its just great.

people say its like old music.. but to me..its a quick escape from the chaotic reality of this world., back to the old era where the culture is easy, people are quick to understand..and love is the best thing.

Heart of a Kid

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I'm sorry for the long way vacation of blogging. I guess the mood swings much more during the "-ber" months. I was busy for the past few days, meeting friends, taking care of things, doing the things i like.. its amazing, how much u can only do for a day. I spend more time with kids, and I guess I've enjoyed the little world they have. how they see the world, and I have begun to reminisce my own childhood too..

Fate

"There is such a thing as fate, but it only takes you so far. Then it's up to you to make it happen."
- Angel stripper, Can't hardly wait

my Imax Date

my friend Tina invited me to watch at an imax theater in MOA. It was really cool. I liked it a lot. we talked a lot too, coz we dont really see each other much, but i'm glad we spent time together. the huge 3-D movie theater, was really awesome. The 3-D movie was so cool, I couldnt believe the experience. I'll do it again sometime.

what it feels to be like an actress

James Lipton "inside the actors studio" frequently asks these questions to all the famous actors, who guested in their show.. hmm what if it was me there? hehehehe


What is your favorite word? "RENDEZVOUS"

What is your least favorite word? "IDIOT"

What turns you on [creatively, spiritually or emotionally]?

HMM, CREATIVELY- BEAUTIFUL RARE SITES OF NATURE

EMOTIONALLY- A QUIET WALK AT NIGHT AND INTERESTING CONVERSATIONS

SPIRITUALLY- CALM SEAS, SUNSET AND WATCHING PEOPLE PASS BY

What turns you off?

IMPOLITE AND TACKLESS PEOPLE

What sound or noise do you love?

DRUM PLAYS, GUITAR PLAY, PIANO SOUND, SAXOPHONE, LAUGHS, AND SEA WAVES

What sound or noise do you hate?

WHINING AND CRYING

What is your favorite curse word?

"KAMOTE"

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

I AM A FRUSTRATED REFUGEE WORKER, DRUMMER, LEAD GUITAR PLAYER, PHOTOGRAPHER, MOVIE CRITIC, PROFESSIONAL CHEF AND LINGUIST

What profession would you not like to do?

ACCOUNTANT - BECAUSE I HATE MATH AND NUMBERS

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

WRONG PLACE, ELENA...HAHA JUST KIDDING.. I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR GOD SAY.. "NOT BAD, ELENA"

The Special one

"I used to amuse you
I knew that I'd lose you
Now you're here and begging for a chance
There's no way in hell I'd take it back

Do you have an opinion?
A mind of your own?
I thought you were special
I thought you should know
But I've run out of patience
I've run out of comments
I'm tired of the violence
I couldn't care less ..."

-- "Special", Garbage

on the run

Sometimes what a person needs is not a brilliant mind that speaks..but a patient heart that listens.

Our Lady of Manaoag

my mom and me









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one weekend ago, my mom and I visited a very special place in the north, somewhere in pangasinan. where all religious pilgrims visit a miraculous statue of virgin mary, called "our lady of manaoag". She was beautiful. The journey was indeed exhausting. But it was worth it. It felt different when we got home. The church was serene and the mass was respected. It was a busy sunday. Mother Mary's feast day, september 8 is a very special day for me, because she grants all my difficult wishes. But then, its just between us.

forever doormates

College was the best time for me. I savored all of it. The independence. The dorm. The endless nights of studying. And of course, the people who I shared life with. Hennessy was my number one dormate. yeah, she's pretty much like the name she has, the expensive drink. She's one of my precious friends. We used to eat out a lot. Hangout in Pares. Walk in malate after dinner. Talk until we fell asleep. do our laundry together. watch movies. and she waits after my party nights. I miss those days. Now we hangout again, and we talk endlessly, laugh endlessly.

number one loser

I am so tired of being wrong all the time. Let's get over it.

edit the saddest parts

Sometimes the rains gets the best of me. my emotions get spilled out and create unexpected chaos.


My Songs for the rainy days:

Perfect - smashing pumpkins - I've always loved smashing pumpkins and every song they made esp. in the 90s


Yeah, whatever - splendor - This song got stuck with me long long years ago, I still love the love angst it sends. I'll never get tired of this.


Boys don't cry - The Cure - of course, what else summarizes a mans emotions. The cure always does it better.


Love's a game - The Magic numbers - They always make the simplest and direct lyrics. I love this one because the meaning is so true.

Blower's daughter - Damien Rice - One of the saddest I've ever heard. my heart just breaks whenever i hear it. "i can't take my eyes off you..."


Fallen - Sarah Mclachlan - this one is about a woman's emotions and difficult times, the pride that she has given and all she has, and talks about the failures she made.


Winter - Tori Amos - I love Tori Amos, this is one of her songs that struck me most, I love the message.


Cayman Islands - kings of convenience - Kings of Convenience always make the coolest songs that u can sing on a relaxing sunday afternoon.


The specialist - Interpol - i love the lyrics on this Interpol song,.. "love will get u down"..


Edit the sad parts - modest mouse - i'm a modest mouse fan, and this is one of my faves from them, the song just has this emotional sad flair on it, but not too cheesy either. It makes express your sad emotions without being too mushy. i love it.


Drink to moving on - Grand National - I just recently discovered this song from grand national. This is what u do after a heartache. u celebrate.


Anthems for a seventeen year old - Broken social scene - This isnt probably a sad love song, but it just slows me down and it reminds of good young memories.


Home - dishwalla - This is my super moping song. it kinda always gives me hope when things go wrong.


I just can't seem to make u mine - The Clientele - for all the times, when i dont understand people.


Mistake Number Three - Culture Club - my national anthem for all the love mistakes i make.


Leave me alone - trash can sinatras - the part when i lose interest on someone.


Stay, faraway so close - U2 - I just really love this one.

midnight coward

If we must part,
Then let it be like this;
Not heart on heart,
Nor with the useless anguish of a kiss;
But touch mine hand and say;
'Until tomorrow or some other day,
If we must part.'

Words are so weak
When love hath been so strong:
Let silence speak:
'Life is a little while, and love is long;
A time to sow and reap,
After harvest a long time to sleep,
But words are weak."

--Ernest Dowson "A valedictorian"

until then

sometimes, its best to give up and stop explaining.

big girls don't cry

"I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket ...
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry"

--Fergie

untitled

"You can say all
the things you want. You can blame me for everything. You can write all the
hurtful words you can think of now. You can be rude to me all you want. You can
stop and forget about me.

Because from now on, I
am letting you go. I am letting you escape.

It is the only
way. The only right way I can think of.

This melodramatic surge
of emotions is too much to handle. You've hurt me so much. You, of all people.
You did not gave me a chance to explain. You can say all the reasons you have,
but you can never ever change nor dictate the way i feel about you. You
have insulted my feelings.

The most painful things
you can say to a person you care about, is too enough for me to see what kind of
person you really are.

I can see no reason for
us to meet, anymore. It seems you have written these thoughts to purposedly hurt
me deeply, then I don't need to hear it in person. I don't need to hear it
anymore, from you. I cannot bear the fact that the person I cared so much about,
would tell me the most uncaring words, no one has ever said to
me.

I fell in love with you
because I felt it.
I did not conjure up a
notion or an imagination of you.
In fact, I can see
perfectly your flaws, your insecurities and the rude things you
do.
God knows, how much I've
tried to explain to myself all the stupid reasons. You're the one particular
thing, I could never explain.

I deserve somebody else.
Somebody who has emotions and man enough to confront them.
I never asked anything
big or too grandeur from you. I only wanted a little time to talk. Perhaps
something you don't understand.

you need someone else.
somebody real for you.

this is the last letter,
we will ever have. the only way to move on. "

Badoc, Ilocos norte, and Vigan town

this is the best shot of badoc.






































































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it was one of my memorable trips. I am so proud of my own heritage. Philippines and its hidden paradise.

Nothing can ever compare to that. next stop, pagudpud. hehe