one-way monologue

Its ironic to think that when you were young, I mean much much younger..you tend to be shallow. I mean you just do what you think is right, you don't follow any instincts you have or you just do something just for the fun of it. I remember vaguely when I was in elementary, I used to love the mona lisa painting for whatever reason I don't know. Ever since I was a kid, I was inlove with paintings and photography, I always drool on the drawings, pictures and small paintings in the library, and I was very much fascinated with greek mythology. I believed in goddesses, pygmies, gods and sea mermaids..instead of the usual cinderella or snow white..my world revolved around the fairies and the three-headed monsters. When I was in highschool, I remember we were asked to write something or some wishes we had when we grow older..I don't know exactly what I wrote but I guess it contained something like, going to paris to see the mona lisa painting, building my own house (I've always liked a place by the sea), and..the rest I'm afraid are hard to remember.

Nowadays, you think about your own life, and everyday you wake up staring at the same wall and doing the same thing over and over again. Its like driving on a forever highway with no exits , all you think is just driving but u don't know where to turn. I think this is the stage where you try to ask yourself, what the hell are you going to do with your life..you're young, single with a license and a degree and you don't know what you want. Of course, life offers a lot of options and choices, but which one completes you, which tells you"this is where you stop wondering" and which one, makes it feel right. You don't even have a real relationship because no guy takes you seriously...its just one thing or the other, and you have given up dating because you've become used to all the dating stuff that has become so routine and so boring. You've given up listening to men and women who always have these sad boring stories of their life and yet, they don't have time to listen to the one thing you want. You don't know why you could't just spend an evening with any decent guy when actually the one person you would want to go out with is a million miles away, and sometimes its kinda tiring to think about this dilemma over and over again. Then you remember again, you still have no job and no plans..and then its a depressing time again.

Actually my life is not actually like that, sometimes I try to see the beauty of the small things that happen around me, slowly you take time to think and relax. I guess it takes a lot of confidence to face your wretched life and do the important things first. Its just sometimes...gosh, it gets the best of me.