Amidst everything

picture taken: last week
crying spells : 21 times, one per day
sleepless nights : 2 weeks
songs played : muse - starlight, culture club - mistake no.3 and the magic numbers - love's a game..
vices: none
support : God, family and friends..
peace of mind: currently going through..
suicidal tendencies : High..(nah, im not stupid to do that)
depression: very.
christmas wish: peace of mind.
best motivation to live: LOVE.

i had a "november rain", literally. The UK is off.. and it broke my heart, my soul and dreams.. Im okay now. Still surviving the sleepless nights and sudden silences i have. Its hard to get over with, so so damn hard. Its tore a part of me and I have felt one of the worst situations in life, endlessly blaming your own self. The worst part is knowing you have disappointed the people u love most, and it just tears you apart everyday, knowing u failed everybody as well as yourself.

but then they would always say..there's hope for everything, God is not so mean as to put your life in unending worst situations, when He closes a door, a window opens. Things have changed, spiritually and emotionally. Sometimes, we all have this edge, where everything makes u crazy and u lose yourself literally..i was on the verge of giving up life, like even wishing that the bus i'm riding would just go out in flames or even crash, and probably i'll be killed..dumb idea, i know. But there would always be people, who never lets u down, who still believes there is a reason to live even if there's no other chance..I've cried buckets and dams of tears..and i would often hid myself from anyone, its hard to conceal all the pain u feel when u know nobody really understands how it means to me a lot. But I made a choice..I'm responsible for my life and mistakes i've done..i dont know how I will manage my life again..dont even know where to start and its the scariest part..not knowing what to do..But I will wait..and I will strive..continue to struggle till the last breath..This is my life and I choose to live.